Kategori: İngilizce Floodlar

I (m26) picked up a gay dude. He gets into the front seat, doesn’t speak English so he’s using a translator. Tells me I’m handsome, compliments my tattoos. And then he asked if he could play with it(I’m straight) lol I put my hand up and rubbed my fingers together for the universal sign of pay me. I got $20 and a pretty good hj. I ain’t gay but $20 is $20. This economy is garbage lol

The little fella has never looked and felt so good.

PSA: if you want to try this, do not use coconut oil as lube with a latex condom.

Edit: To the person who got Reddit to do a welfare check on me, I applaud you. Made me choke on my morning coffee.

Gotta be careful tho. One time I accidentally clicked “for women” thinking it was “four women”. Next thing I know I was at knee height with a b🍆ner in my face. Scared tf outta me, I yelled and it almost went in my mouth. Gayest experience of my life happened alone in my bedroom. Technology man

That's not how fucking dialectics works you stupid cuck. I didn’t study Hegel (plus continental philosophy in general) at Harvard for 7 FUCKING YEARS for some LOW LIFE KNOW IT ALL who’s CLEARLY never fucking read Hegel as he would KNOW that HEGEL has NEVER FUCKING EVER used the terms “thesis, antithesis, synthesis” to start perpetuating these LIES at VERY SINGLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. this isn’t Hegel my friend. No no no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Fichte and it’s clearly inferior to Hegel's dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes. It’s called immi...Devamını Oku

Think bro found this funny by putting an excessive amount of “😭” emojis

PLEASE put an NSFW tag on your post.
I immediately started masturbating furiously in the bus in front of 43 people. They realized what was going on, opened Reddit to this post and all 43 started to fap furiously too. Even the 64 year old Malaysian nun on the front seat couldn't contain herself - her entire arm was up her vagina as she screamed with pleasure.
I was so horny that my phone flew out of my hand & broke through the window, letting in a relentless tide of horny pigeons who were instantly fucked to death by the passengers.
The nun shoved an entire pigeon family up her pussy. N...Devamını Oku

A while ago, I discovered that certain Kanye songs caused me to become ithyphallic. Ever since then I have been wonking my willy daily to his titillating tunes and having an absolutely delightful time. But suddenly, tragedy strikes. Kanye begins to post certain messages to twitter I am sure you are all familiar with. At first I thought nothing of it and have been sharpening my spear to my hearts content. However, over the following months, the sheer volume of tweets has left me second guessing my masturbatory habits. Should I continue milking my meat-stick or should I terminate such behavior? ...Devamını Oku

Everywhere I work for the last 3 jobs there's always been bowls in the back with this ladies name, cucumbers, peppers, carrots all labelled julienne, do you guys know her? Am I going crazy?

And they're all cut the same aswell, is she so good multiple places hire her to cut their veg? I'm really freaking out over here as my wife started cooking recently and I found a bowl full of carrots LABELLED 'JULIENNE' in the fridge, did she get this lady to cut her vegetables for her?

Is she in on it? Who is this lady? Where does she work?

H-heh… d-don’t talk to me….. l-let me goon in peace. I drink my flat moldy monster energy can while cuddling my anime girl body pillow, logging into discord to moderate the kawaii cafe server, and after my hours are done I hop onto rule 34 to goon to ifa even though I know damn well that he’ll never want me because I’m a sweaty discord mod who hasn’t shwered in two years and dropped out in middle school and live in my mothers basement while eating raw cookie dough sleeves for dinner every night and having explosive diarrhea in my gaming chair while not cleaning it up because it inf...Devamını Oku

HOLY FUCK. OIL.

I WAS WALKING TO THE STORE. MINDING MY BUSINESS. THEN I SEE IT. A SHIMMERING PATCH ON THE PAVEMENT. I KNEEL DOWN. I TOUCH IT. IT’S OIL.

I LOST MY FUCKING MIND. I STARTED SCREAMING. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT IT’S OIL!” PEOPLE TURNED AROUND. CARS STOPPED. SOME GUY RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT AND STARTED CRYING INTO AN AMERICAN FLAG.

ONE MAN PULLED OUT A GUITAR AND STARTED PLAYING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM FROM PURE INSTINCT. ANOTHER GUY THREW A BURGER IN THE AIR AND IT JUST STAYED THERE.

I STARTED PUNCHING THE SIDEWALK OUT OF PATRIOTIC RAGE. MY EYES TURNED RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. I DON�...Devamını Oku

It is testicular torsion. The title is exaggarated obviously but it is a legitimate fear of mine.

Okay there might be a lot worse health complications in case an appcalypse happens. The thing is, it'd be sad but I'd accept that I'm dying if one of those happened to me. Like you'd know you have a heart disease, it's just bad luck. But if testicular torsion happens? That shit can be fixable. It hurts but it is fixable. But sometimes the "rotating it by hand" method doesn't work, then what? If you don't treat it you'll die. If you treat it (basically cut...Devamını Oku

Soooo my mom ALWAYSS uses my older brother’s photo as her WhatsApp profile picture.👺👺 ALWAYS!!!🙄🙄 One day, I changed it to MY PHOTO!! The next day? She switched it back to his. 💢💢 I asked her, “Why do you only use HIS PHOTO?!?! Her reply: “Because he’s MY SON!"💢💢 I WANTED TO SCREAM, “Am I not your daughter too?” but I stayed quiet...........😔😔😔

The next day, I saw her scrolling for NEW PICS OF HIM IN HER GALLERY!!💔💔 I asked her, “If I were a boy, would you use my photo...........?”🥲🥲🥲 She instantly answered "OBVIOUSLY!!...Devamını Oku

*inhales* 🅱️OIIII 😂🫱 He need some milk! 👌E💯If she breathes, SHE’S A TH🅾️T💯 REEEEEEEE- XD OOF 🥛 big chungus [everyone liked that] ✅You mean OUR meme *☭ sovet anthem INTENSIFIES* 😱 Keanu Reeves NOT CLICKBAIT 😂 You sir, just won the internet! 🏅 I SMELL PENNIES 🪙 Discord Reddit cringe Genshit Impact furry simp mods be like: minecraft good, fortnite bad, anime bad, tiktok bad, roblox bad 😎 *LE EPICALLY T-POSES* 😂👌💯 Drip Goku: DoUKnowDaWae Cheems that heckin doggo and Sans is Gigachad 🗿 This is so sad, Alexa play Despacito 😔 *Halo Theme...Devamını Oku

WHY WHY why are girls with stinky feet so fukcing hot just why i cant resist them i just wanna fall on my knees for them please im going insane i just wanna be forced to sniff their feet and socks and lick them clean after a month of no washing

My Girlfriend told me I cum too much and that she doesn’t like it and idk what to do. For reference, I, 24M and my gf, 23F have been together for a year and frequently have sex. I cum a lot, usually like 7-8 or more HARD ropes of cum depending on the orgasm, and my cumshots are consistently large. My gf has never been a big fan of cum, but recently it’s become an increasing issue leading to arguments and anger. We’ve tried cumming on a towel, but for any position where I’m not standing up having intercourse it still gets messy and chaotic and ruins the moment. It's so chaotic and m...Devamını Oku

You little incels have no idea what is real manhood, testosterone and a full beard, you think it’s all the people out there fighting wars, working on oil rigs, living off the land… that is kids play, it’s nothing, real man support their wife’s and their wife’s son, real man hold theirs wife’s hands during the bull coitus, I’m not afraid like a little scary boy when my wife is having a BBC party, I support her and all the gentlemen in her. That is trust, that is strength, that is how a real man works.

Good luck basement dwellers incels, I know deep down, you want to be in my sho...Devamını Oku

The brand new burger you can fuck, this burger is better than sex, you can fuck this burger, only at burger king you can stick your dick in this burger, your balls will explode guaranteed, you can cum inside, outside, and all over the new burger king burgers, this burger will make your skin soft and your asshole tight, our astrogenizing burgers will give you tits the size of basketballs and thats no cap, have it your way at burger king where your stupid asshole gets fucked six ways from sunday (i just had to do it agin)

you give off chill pedophile vibes like you lowkey like kids but you went to therapy and got impulse control so you would never hurt one if you know what i mean. im a pedophile too and it makes me happy when i read your comments cuz it feels like i can participate on this sub too. good on you bro thank you so much

Whenever I need to take a poop and I'm busy on a game, I will postpone the pooping by holding my leg under my ass, this feels Insanely good for some reason and I don't know why I get pleasure from holding in poop

is the poop being held at my prostate, making it feel good, or am i just weird?

Thanks

i am 15 years old and got into the roblox condo community through a friend of mine (jalen, 19) around a year ago, i started to erp with lots of people in discord servers and we would end up playing roblox condo games together and it caused me to only be able to think about the next time i can bone someone in roblox, every time im in class i cant focus on my work because ill see this one guy play roblox on my phone and ill start to get a boner from the thoughts of roblox sex in class, this caused me to fail my classes and my parents are very mad at me and can't figure out the cause of this....Devamını Oku