I went to shit and stink

It's so fucking annoying. I get a little time when I get home from work, make a nice meal and get a movie set up. Then I go to both "sit and think" while simultaneously I "shit and stink". However, as I dump my brains out into the plops of the toilet boil, and flush before I must wipe (because last time I didn't flush before wiping, it got clogged), I begin to wipe my behind with folded toilet paper. When I finally feel like I'm clean, I get up to wash my hands. Then I notice I suddenly have to piss. I let myself do so, but then I have to take ANOTHER dump. After I wipe, I get up to wash my hands. Then I notice I suddenly have to piss. I let myself do so, but then I have to take ANOTHER dump. Suddenly, I hear the fan turn off. It has a 30 minute timer. So I have to haul unwiped ass up to the switch to turn it back on. Afterwards, I forgot that I haven't wiped yet, so I begin to scratch an itch, and get some shit in my fingernails. After I wipe, I get up to wash my hands. Then I notice I suddenly have to piss. I let myself do so, but then I have to take ANOTHER dump. After I wipe, I finally wash my disgusting hands.

I get out of el baño and come upon the world that's been missing me for 90 minutes, movie length. It's time for me to go to bed or future me will be pissed, so I quickly eat whatever I can, then go to the bed. It pisses me off, man