Ağustos 29, 2025
Lisede zirve yaptım. Buradan nereye gideceğimden ve mezuniyetten beri sürükleneceğinden emin değilim.
Şimdi 32 yaşındayım. Evlendim ama çok fazla zevk almadım. Seçim verilirse, en azından aileme geri dönüp hayatımda bir miktar “kontrol” ve rahatlık alabilirim. Benim işim korkunç, ücret düşük.
Eşim ve oda arkadaşımla yaşıyorum çünkü henüz başka bir şey karşılayamayız.
Para harcamaktan korkuyorum çünkü her kuruş değerlidir, bu yüzden asla kendime harcamam ve eğer yaparsam kendimi suçlu hissediyorum.
Hafta sonu yaşıyorum gibi görünüyor ama aldığım hafta sonları donuk, unutulabilir ve sadece bir bulanıklık çünkü çok hızlı oluyor.
Tek bildiğim daha fazla para kazanmak istiyorum, ama berbat olan şey, yine de onu harcamaktan korkarsam ve 32 yaşım şimdi hayatımın bittiğini hissediyorum ve her zaman lise ve ortaokulda iyi zamanları hatırlayarak kendimi yakalıyorum.
Nereye gideceğimden emin değilim.
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Honestly, I can’t imagine being stuck with JUST middle school and high school memories.
I can’t even remember the faces of those people, let alone much of anything I did.
You make choices in life. It’s never too late to change your direction but only you can do it.
Sounds like you need therapy and a career change.
Without therapy chances are even if you made more money – your wife or someone else will end up using it or asking you for it and you won’t be able to say no because you already have self-worth issues. You don’t believe you are worthy enough to have nice things or spend money on yourself and until you change that mindset and realize you are great and love yourself – nothing else will matter. You have to want to do better for YOURSELF. Not for anybody else. You have to love yourself so much that this person (whether you want to imagine that person to be toddler you, you from middle or highschool or you now) deserve to be happy and fulfilled and have what you want or need and that you are protecting that person and standing up for them (aka you). It’s a mindset shift.
Until you do it, you won’t feel like you deserve that better job, house, apartment, life, whatever. And may end up self-sabotaging yourself.
Good luck on the development work. You can do it. You just need to know how and there’s a lot of books out there that can help (personally I like the worthy book by Jamie but up to you). Once you conquer that then set a goal for a better paying job, good money habits, and adventures. Set a goal of going on a trip somewhere new and different. Different country, different place and different people. I worked for a career path that I knew would lead to making money and I’m glad I did and I’ve been on many adventures to many countries and I get to do that every year. It’s been great creating memories and these memories have been much better than high school.