Şubat 20, 2026
Kız arkadaşımı geride tuttuğumu hissedersem onunla ilişkimi bitirmeli miyim?
Şu an 30 yaşındayım ve kesinlikle hayatımı boşa harcamış gibi hissediyorum. Saatte 23 dolar kazanıyorum, yani muhtemelen vergiler sonrası yılda 38 bin dolar kazanıyorum. 180 bin dolar biriktirdim. Bu benim tek başarım, üniversite diplomam yok. Birkaç kez üniversiteye gitmeyi denedim ama sonuç işe yaramadı.
Bir buçuk yıldan fazladır bu kızla birlikteyim. Okula gidiyor ve çıkmaya başladığımızdan beri seviye atlıyor, kendini geliştiriyor ve şu anda saatte 30 dolar kazanıyor. İçten içe kendimi berbat hissediyorum çünkü sanki onu geride tutuyormuşum ve daha yüksek seviyede olmasa bile kendisiyle aynı seviyede olan biriyle birlikte olabilirmiş gibi hissediyorum. Ben de gelişmek istiyorum, sadece onun için değil, kendim için de ama üniversitede birden fazla başarısız girişimle nasıl yapabileceğimi bilmiyorum. Eminim pek çok insan 180k ile ne yapılacağını biliyordur ama ben buna yatırım yapmaktan çok korkuyorum çünkü bu benim tek gerçek başarım ve onu kaybedip başarısızlıklar listeme yenilerini eklemekten çok korkuyorum.
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I don’t think money should be a factor.. although as a man I get feeling insecure about this
23/hour and 30/hour is not that big. That part might not even matter for her. You probably provide her with something else, safety, security etc. $180k is an achievement in itself. I make 65/hour and have 10% of that in savings. I’d sit down with her and talk about how you feel cause you might be distancing yourself without even knowing.
You could pivot to something that pays more or find a side hustle
Did you talk to her about how you feel and what could you do? Can you talk to your family/trusted older person to get some isights into how you can improve your salary and life?
Ultimately, it is up to your of to decide whether you hold her back or not. Do you know her expectations of you?
1) Talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. I’m pretty sure she likes you for more than your income.
2) Become more financially literate. Saving 180k is amazing, but letting it just sit in a bank account means it is actually *losing* value due to inflation. You need to learn how to save and invest properly for your specific situation. Check out r/personalfinance to start.
I’m 35, make $0 and have $0 saved. My husband doesn’t care. Ofc we both wish I had income, but life is life.
It sounds like YOU have a problem, not her. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with not being the bread winner. I don’t think making less is holding her back. If she had a problem with your income, she could bring it up. Don’t end something good, and don’t be so hard on yourself 🫶🏻 we’ve grown up in the craziest of times!
You said it yourself: “And she still did not care, she just doesn’t wish for me to stay in a depressive state from this or from anything else.”
She doesn’t care about your income or whether you’ve gone to college. She cares about your happiness because one she cares about you and two, ultimately that will have the biggest impact on her and on your relationship.
She does not need you to make more money for her to thrive. She can excel regardless of your income. The question isn’t whether you’ll be holding her back, it’s whether you’re holding yourself back. If you were happy with your situation – great, don’t change a thing. But clearly you’re not. Stop thinking of yourself as a failure. We all feel in life. Repeatedly. So what. Try again. So college isn’t for you – many people do just fine without it. Find something you do like. Do something you don’t like if it makes you feel better about yourself.
The issue isn’t income, it’s you talking yourself down and looking for reassurance and validation she isn’t able to give you because it’s all in your head.
For what it’s worth, I’m about to finish my second master’s degree and my partner dropped out of high school at 15. It has never once been an issue between us, but it sure as hell would be if he kept bringing it up but not doing anything to change it.