Ocak 3, 2026
Depresyonum beni evlenmeyeceğime inandırdı
Herkese merhaba, ben 24F olarak ABD’de yaşıyorum. Majör depresif bozukluk tanısı alıyorum. Birkaç yıldır bekarım, hiçbir şey gerçekten hiçbir yere gitmeden, internette gelişigüzel flört ediyorum. Kendilerini seven harika erkek arkadaşları olan benim yaşımdaki bazı kuzenlerimi gerçekten kıskanıyorum. Son birkaç ayda liseden giderek daha fazla insanın nişanlandığını gördüm. Bu beni üzdü ama önemli değil. hayatımı ele geçirmiyordu.
Bunu neyin tetiklediğinden emin değilim ama son bir buçuk haftadır bekar olmam ve bana teklif edilmemesi nedeniyle depresyona girdim. Ayrılmasını isteyeceğim noktaya kadar mutlu bir ilişki içinde olan herkesi son derece kıskanıyorum. İnsanların benim gibi yalnız hissetmelerini istiyorum. Ne zaman mutlu çiftler görsem ağlamak istiyorum. Birini bulmaya çalışmak için her gün flört uygulamalarında bir saatten fazla zaman harcıyorum. Ancak doğru kişi olmasını istediğim herhangi biriyle çıkmayacağım, bu yüzden de birçok kez reddediliyorum.
Beynim bana kumsalda yürüyüş yaparken evlenme teklifi alma veya annem, kız kardeşim ve en yakın arkadaşımla gelinlik almak için alışverişe çıkma hayalinden vazgeçmemi söylüyor. Koridorda yürümeyi, balayına çıkmayı veya bir aile kurmayı bırakmayı bırakın. Beynim yeterince iyi olmadığımı, yeterince güzel olmadığımı söylüyor. Sürekli bundan kurtulmaya çalışıyorum ama yapamıyorum. Bu çok zor çünkü yoktan birini yaratamam. Ve yapmam gerektiğini düşünsem bile evlenme arzusundan vazgeçemiyorum.
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Reading the posts on AIO about partners on Reddit has helped honestly. Rather be single than with someone and disrespected.
You are not alone
I know how you feel. I don’t necessarily have depression from being single but other things that are negative to me that cascade and add onto the depression.
I’ve also tried to let it go but it’s been difficult even though it’s something I have known would happen for many years.
I hope you find someone who loves you for who you are.
I didn’t meet my husband until I was 26 and he was my first relationship.
I was in that mindset until mid 30s, never dated anyone. I thought I was ugly, unworthy to be loved, etc. Those fairytale romantic fantasies only put me deeper into a depression. My 20s were just miserable. I wish I would’ve let go of such “dream” and just enjoy life
I have recurrent major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I am also married.
First off, I want to empathize that the apps are really hard. I think they give people the illusion that there is an endless pool of people to choose from, which can lead to people dismissing a lot of people who could be great partners. And going on dates that don’t pain out can be exhausting and disheartening.
I think the hard part about wanting to be married (and I always wanted to be married) is that because it requires another person there is so much out of your control. All you can do is get yourself in a headspace where dating is bearable and take breaks whenever it is not.
You mention major depression and as someone who lives with it to I see it in the absolutes of your statements. Do you have a therapist you’re working with and are you comfortable bringing this up? I found therapy invaluable for processing these feelings, helping me create a life I love even when I was single and dealing with mental health challenges, and learning more about myself and what I wanted in a partner.
I know it can be hard to remind yourself love is not a race when you see friends getting engaged at 24. I know I thought I was ready to be engaged then and wanted to be, but I’ve realized the kinds of guys I was interested in when I was in my mid 20’s were not actually the best match for me. In my case spending more time growing up (and giving guys a chance to grow up too) was in my best interest. Through therapy I saw that some of the characteristics I thought were important really weren’t. I became more secure in myself such that I was ok walking away sooner from relationships I knew weren’t right. I have a really, really great healthy relationship now and I know that all the hard work I put in is a big part of why.
Think about what you offer someone? From what I’m reading you bring depression and an attitude that isn’t very appealing. Sorry, just being honest.
Get offline, get out in the real world and get involved in things where there are real people and you can shine. Or stay locked in the house, online and hoping your white knight finds you.