Ekim 26, 2025
Ben hiçbir hayatı, hiçbir motivasyonu olmayan bir zavallıyım
(19) Sidney, Avustralya’da yaşıyorum ve geliÅŸmek için hiçbir motivasyonum yok Arkadaşım yok destek sistemim yok eÄŸer hayatımı bir köpeÄŸe benzetiyorsam en azından iÅŸlevsel ve motivasyonları var. Hiç uyumuyorum bu delilik Geceleri dinlenemiyorum ve gözlerimi kapatamıyorum Her zaman telefonumdayım ama onunla yararlı hiçbir ÅŸey yapmıyorum, sürekli sürekli kaydırılıyor ve sadece sosyal medyada mümkün olduÄŸunca fazla bilgi tüketmek için. En nefret ettiÄŸim ÅŸey gün ışığında dışarıda olmak çünkü herkesin beni yargıladığını ve bana bağırılmak üzere olduÄŸunu hissediyorum, bu yüzden insanların bana bakıp kimsenin umursamadığını bilmeme raÄŸmen neden her zaman yalnız olduÄŸumu düşünme korkusuyla hiçbir yere gitmiyorum. Sanki beynim donmuÅŸ ve geliÅŸme isteÄŸim yokmuÅŸ gibi felç olduÄŸumu hissediyorum.
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I feel you. I’ve been there. 16-22 was like that for me, with only some breaks during that time.
Things that helped me break patterns (over like 6 years) which allowed new things into my life, in no particular order of importance or suggestion:
A social job where I was lucky enough to meet some friendly people
Light psychedelic use
Solo travel at hostels
Moving out and living with a roommate I liked who was more sociable
Basic grooming which allowed me to date someone
Quitting video games and other activities which keep me indoors/disconnected
Nothing is fixed really I’m still pretty antisocial but I’m not fearful of people or convinced they’re hateful like I once was. I can’t make friends on command but I can at least be in public and work a job or go to school or hold a conversation without driving myself crazy.
Honestly if I were you I’d consider throwing my phone away. Or more realistically maybe just selling it and getting a dumbphone and starting to read books instead for entertainment. Do it in parks maybe. Or by the water front. You don’t need to talk to people or pay attention to them but it might help just to practice being outside more. Or if you need to go more slowly, podcasts/music in that setting so you can block the world out more. Then go to books so you can hear the world while you are also in your own. Then some day set the books down and just sit there and notice things.
Sigh. Stop. It’s really that simple. There’s no escape from your current predicament that doesn’t involve fundamental change. Oh, and substantial work. That’s just how it is. The earlier you start… the easier it’ll be. That’s it. That’s all. There’s nothing else.