Mayıs 16, 2026
Başkalarıyla iyi çalışmadığımda nasıl başarılı olabilirim?
Sadece şunu söyleyeceğim; ben insanlardan biri değilim.
İş arkadaşlarımla neredeyse sıfır ilişkim var. Benim zihniyetim “içeri gir, işimi yap ve eve git”. İş yerinde sosyalleşme veya arkadaş edinme arzum yok. Açıkçası ofis döneminde olmayı bile istemiyorum. Buradayken hemen hemen kulaklığımı takıp masamda oturuyorum. Öğle yemeğini arabamda yiyorum. Bu nedenle şirketin çoğu tarafından sevilmediğimi biliyorum.
Başkalarıyla çatışan tipte biri değilim ama dürüst olmak gerekirse, bir ekiple pek iyi çalışmıyorum. Kaçınmacı sosyal alışkanlıklarım var. Yalnızlığı tercih ederim. İdeal konumum, uzaktan çalıştığım, kilitlendiğim ve bağımsız olarak değer ürettiğim özerk bir konumdur. Ofis siyaseti, yaşam boyu süren bir mücadele olmuştur.
Spektrumun içinde olup olmadığımı gerçekten merak ediyorum ama teşhis konmadı ve teşhis de koymuyorum. Kesin olarak bildiğim şey aşırı derecede içe dönük olduğumdur.
Bu kişiliğin beni işyerinde geride tuttuğuna inanıyorum. İki yıldan fazla bir süre terfi almadan geçtim. İtibarım hala tam değil kötü. Patronlarım beni yetkin bir katılımcı ve hızlı öğrenen biri olarak görüyor. Beni geleneksel yönetim yoluna göndermek yerine “uzman” bir rol yaratmayı tartıştılar. Muhtemelen insanları yönetme konusunda berbat olduğum için. Ancak bu aylar önce söz verilmişti ve o zamandan beri radyo sessizliği sürüyor. Bir kez daha sorunun kişiliğimde olduğunu hissettim.
Bugün bile benden bir projeyi iş arkadaşlarımdan birine devretmem bekleniyor. Temel olarak ne yapacağını biliyor ancak hızlı bir eğitim gerektirebilir. Bunu yapma düşüncesi beni tüketiyor. Bunu kendim yapmak istiyorum çünkü daha hızlı ve daha verimli olur. Ayrıca tam olarak ne yapacağımı bilsem bile bir şeyleri açıklamakta zorlanıyorum.
Başka kimse ilişki kurabilir mi? Kurumsal Amerika’da bunu nasıl başardınız?
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I think a lot more people are like this than corporate culture admits. You don’t sound incompetent or incapable of working with others. You sound like someone who gets drained by constant social maintenance and office politics. Those are different things.
Also, the fact your bosses talked about moving you toward a specialist path instead of management honestly says a lot. Companies usually don’t do that for people they see as useless. Some people are just naturally better in deep work / individual contributor roles than leadership-heavy ones. Tech especially is full of people like that.
The only thing I’d be careful about is isolating yourself so much that coworkers start reading it as hostility or disinterest. You don’t have to become social, just socially “easy” enough that people feel comfortable working with you. That alone changes a lot professionally.
I’ll be brutally honest…
You’re not going to get very far not being able to get along with your co-workers and being able to collaborate or communicate effectively. There are no jobs where you don’t have some level of collaboration. You need to develop these skills if you want to advance your career.
Even working remote requires you to be able to work well with and interact with others. The reality is, you need to work on your social skills and ability to work with others, because you’re never going to advance or move ahead if you don’t.
LOLOLOL. [This is rich.](https://www.reddit.com/r/remotework/comments/1s7r4j9/i_show_up_late_every_day_because_my_job_wont_let/) Way more things are keeping you from making it or getting promoted than just not being social at work.
It’s hard. I never made it. I lucked in to jobs where I get a work order, then I do the work and hand it off.
Social Anxiety or schizoid personality disorder, I don’t know. Got good at faking it til I make it also.
How do you define success? Is it from a monetary perspective? Is it from an influence perspective? Is it from a likeability perspective?
I think the most important thing is to define it for yourself. What does success mean to you?
For me, I work with a lot of high achievers, and everyone has a different personality. Some people are just born to be a public speaker and to influence. Some people were born and they wanted to remain as the strongest individual contributor, and they’re just not a people person. I think all directions are fine as long as you define success for yourself.
As far as what I see, I definitely can tell you that not being a people person is not a problem at all, especially if you have impeccable, irreplaceable skills.
So the options are:
– You want to get promoted, and then you have to work on your people skills because it’s just a must.
– You join a very small company, like 10 people, so essentially you just become the head. You got the title, and you can remain as a strong individual contributor.
– You define success in a different way rather than promotion.
These are just a few.
Name one successful person who has become successful all by himself.
I would suggest you to take some socializing classes.
You gotta fake it to make it.
OP, everything you write has nothing to do with work. You clearly know your identifies and what gives you a pleasant feeling when you go to bed – being father and also husband.
As you said, the work would be really just the gear that supports you to earn enough money so you sustain life outside of work, without stress.
But I can tell from your post that you might want more, you know that other than the roles you play now, you want more respect, acknowledgment from workplace? (Aka the “successful” when not being a people person, hence I didn’t write “liked”)
What’s this “ceiling” you are hitting? The more specific you are able to describe it, the better.
When you are able to write very specifically what’s this ceiling, what’s this blocking you, how is it making you feel, what do you need to get over/around it – that’s the beginning of a new chapter that you can play all the roles you embrace in life well – father, husband, excellent individual contributor, etc
One thing you didn’t answer is that I do think you have a definition of “successful people” at workplace too, what are those traits? Other than the seemingly apparent one that you said, people skills ; are there more?
It’s a super good news that you have a good solid identify defined outside of work, imagine how cool would you feel when you have that defined in job that you spend 8 hours in daily!
You are definitely not alone, I felt the same way. Like I should not have to make friends at work to be accepted by my peers, and ultimately by the company. It really should only be about what I produce as an employee. I hated the fluff of working in an office and having to pretend to be friendly with everyone because “we’re a work family” … yeah no fuck that, from my experience the whole work family thing tends to cause more drama than it’s worth.
Do you have Asperger syndrome?
If you have identified your social awkwardness being a weakness at corporate work, take some small steps to arrest it. You will need networking at any stage in life. Unplug your earphones, create some small talks even just simple greetings, smile at people, have lunches at the pantry instead of in your car. Small steps, you dont have to be the office clown. Unless you can create independent value out of your work alone, you cant stride much as most workdone is a collective team effort. As one ages down, you will find improving social skills becomes more challenging.
I have some ex-colleagues as great friends on and off work and we go a long way in supporting each other thruout our careers and personal lives. I do have a language barrier which i regretably never try hard enough to improve which set me back alot professionally as that nation is everywhere in the world now.