OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS OIL
HOLY FUCK. OIL.
I WAS WALKING TO THE STORE. MINDING MY BUSINESS. THEN I SEE IT. A SHIMMERING PATCH ON THE PAVEMENT. I KNEEL DOWN. I TOUCH IT. IT’S OIL.
I LOST MY FUCKING MIND. I STARTED SCREAMING. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT IT’S OIL!” PEOPLE TURNED AROUND. CARS STOPPED. SOME GUY RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT AND STARTED CRYING INTO AN AMERICAN FLAG.
ONE MAN PULLED OUT A GUITAR AND STARTED PLAYING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM FROM PURE INSTINCT. ANOTHER GUY THREW A BURGER IN THE AIR AND IT JUST STAYED THERE.
I STARTED PUNCHING THE SIDEWALK OUT OF PATRIOTIC RAGE. MY EYES TURNED RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. I DON’T EVEN DRIVE BUT I BOUGHT A TRUCK INSTANTLY.
I FUCKING LOVE OIL. I WOULD DIE FOR OIL. I WOULD FIGHT IN THE TRENCHES FOR THAT SWEET, BLACK, FREEDOM-LOVING BASTARD JUICE.
AMERICA IS OIL. OIL IS GOD.
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