Şubat 20, 2026
Hiçbir zaman “gerçek bir iş” bulmayı istemediğim için üzgün müyüm?
Bağlam olarak, temelde tüm hayatım boyunca amaçsızdım. Hatırladığım kadarıyla otomatik pilottaydım ve öğretmenler, yetişkinler ve diğerleri tarafından “olgun” ve “yetenekli” (bu kelimeyi kullanmaktan nefret ediyorum, yetenekli olduğumu hiç düşünmüyorum, sadece bazı şeyleri farklı düşündüm ve diğer şeylerin yanı sıra insanları hayal kırıklığına uğratmaktan korkarak şekillendirilmiş bir iş ahlakım vardı) olarak görülmeyi başarabildim. Hiçbir yeteneği, tutkusu, ilgi alanı, arkadaşı, temelde hiçbir şeyi olmayan, 18 yaşında, mahvolmuş bir gencim.
Hayatımdan hiçbir şey istemiyorum. Eğer yaşamak zorundaysam, hayatta kalmak için gerekenden daha fazla çaba harcamak istemiyorum. Bir ofis işi bulmayı umursamıyorum, üniversiteye gitmek için motive olamıyorum, bunların hepsi bana çok anlamsız ve çabaya değmez görünüyor. bana dayanılmaz derecede zor ve yabancı geliyor ve bu ortamlarda ilerleyebileceğimden şüpheliyim.
Hala çalışmak istiyorum, serseri olup başkalarının sırtından geçinmek istemiyorum. Zaten zaten geçinebileceğim kimsem yok. Tüm bunlardan sıkılana kadar sadece perakende satışta ve asgari ücretle çalışmayı, oda arkadaşlarımla yaşamayı veya bunun gibi şeyleri tercih etmem kötü mü?
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Honestly, this just sounds like depression or some other mental illness. I don’t mean that in a disparaging way, but often a lack of care or willingness to survive is typically associated with that kind of thing.
But to answer your question, no, that doesnt make you a bum. You’re still working and providing for yourself so I don’t see how it would.
I have a suggestion – maybe try a more physical job now while you are young…then later, start investigating possible white collar jobs you may be interested in. A physical job is going to do a lot for your physical and mental health and finances. Look for some sort of intense labor jobs such as carpenter or landscaper or lawn mower or farm assistant etc. Don’t do retail. Get an job outside.
As someone who was similar to you (seen as gifted) but did decide to go the university route and ended up working for over a decade in an office and only now wishing I had done something totally different because I actually loved working retail and found it relaxing, routine, and chill. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it paid a living wage. I HATE the hustle culture of an office. I hate that someone is always asking me where I want to go – the answer is: nowhere. I want to keep doing what’s comfortable and do the bare minimum.
Also, for some context, I was diagnosed with autism at about 30 during COVID. So I’m also feeling the weight of massive burn out from an office job and putting myself through years of schooling for something I hate. Thinking about doing this for another 30 years makes me feel the biggest dread. And it’s not passing. I’ve been in therapy for it and tried almost everything to push through, but the fact is that I need to get out.
I’m realizing I need something that actually keeps me busy and engaged all the time. So I’m looking into nursing now.
If I could have started younger, I’d likely have done trades, like construction or plumbing or electrical or something. But these days, I hear apprenticeships are hard to find and it’s not worth it.
So my advice from this place in my life – think about what you can tolerate doing for the many years of your life that you will need to work to survive. It doesn’t have to be big or ambitious. It just has to be the kind of nonsense you can put up with because any job is going to be a fair share of nonsense. I hope you figure it out!
And also, don’t forget that no matter what you start doing, you can always find opportunities to change it.
Remindme! 2 day
I wouldn’t really say it makes you a bum. But it might be something you regret down the line and it probably wouldn’t hurt to give yourself options
I fear your belief—that living paycheck to paycheck in a dead-end job is easier than those environments you find unnavigable or alien—would not stand up to scrutiny
It’s really understandable that it’s difficult to find the motivation to get a good job if you don’t have a clear picture of the rewards you’ll get from it.
It can take a while to find something you genuinely enjoy for the most part, find it rewarding, and really helps give you purpose and routine.
For me it was trade jobs when I was around your age. Being around people who pushed me, and seeing the end results of my hard work was super rewarding, and the pay is decent.
It feels so much better to have that reward, learn new skills, and have enough money to have fun than it does to just survive.
You’re really young though, priorities in your life will change with age.. with every age.
Maybe right now priority is just get settled somewhere with low expectations, that’s okay!
Maybe in 5 years you’ll start to appreciate the freedom that comes with making better money.
What 18 year old just wants to focus on money and work? You’re still a teenager, it’s fine if you don’t want to prioritize that yet.
A washed up 18 year old is a bit of an oxymoron friend