My wife is taking testosterone and it is tormenting me

My wife is taking testosterone and it is tormenting me

My wife (31F) and I (30M) have been together for 5 years. We have two small children, a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old. Our life has always been stable, until about six months ago.

She decided to start taking testosterone on her own. She started following some "biohacking lifestyle" influencers and became convinced that testosterone was the key to having the perfect body and unshakable confidence. She didn't see a serious endocrinologist; She got the contact of a “coach” who can get the recipes. She says it's for "performance" and curiosity, to see how far her body goes.

The problem is that the price of this is our family.

Her patience with the children simply disappeared. She was always the sweet mother, who sat on the floor to play. Now, if our 4-year-old cries or throws a tantrum, she gets angry. Her tone changed; it's more serious, drier. The other day, I saw her yelling at him in such an intimidating way that I had to intervene and take the kids to their room. She is constantly on edge.

And there's the part that I'm even embarrassed to write, but I need to say it. Her body is changing in ways that are destroying our intimacy. There are changes down there… anatomical changes that I prefer not to describe in detail, but that made everything very strange to me. She is no longer the woman I know. Her scent changed completely; It's a strong, masculine odor that takes over the room.

Her libido is insatiable, but in an aggressive and purely physical way. There is no more affection, there is no foreplay. It's like she's using my body for chemical relief. If I don't respond, she humiliates me. She says I'm "weak", that I don't have energy, that I'm "less of a man" than her.

I clean the house, take care of the children and still have to walk on eggshells so as not to trigger a tantrum in her. She is obsessed with the gym, spends hours there and comes back even more exhausted.

When I try to suggest that she stop, or that this is affecting our marriage, she says that I'm jealous of her "evolution" and that I'm insecure because I can't handle an "alpha woman."

I love the mother she was. I miss her softness, her smell, the way we connected. Now, I look at her and see a strange, twisted, angry version of the person I promised to love. I'm afraid of what this will do to our children if it continues like this, but at the same time, I'm afraid of filing for divorce and leaving them alone with this "new version" of her half the time.

I feel completely alone in this. Being in a marriage where you feel disgusted and afraid of the person who should be your safe haven is a loneliness I wouldn't wish on anyone.