Mart 4, 2026
15M ve nereye gittiğim hakkında hiçbir fikrim yok.
(Her şeyden önce şunu söylemek isterim ki, “çok gençsin, çok zamanın var, sadece eğlenmene bak.” cümlesini duymakla ilgilenmiyorum. Bu hiçbir şekilde tavsiye değil ve bana hiçbir faydası da yok.)
15 milyon yaşındayım ve uzun zamandır nereye gideceğime dair hiçbir fikrim olmadan kendimi kaybolmuş, sıkışmış ve yalnız hissettim. Başlangıç olarak, evde eğitim görüyorum, hiç arkadaşım yok, iyi olduğum hiçbir şey yok ve odaklanma yeteneğim yok. Uzun zamandır bu böyle ve kendimi çok boş hissediyorum. Artık güçlü duygular bile hissetmiyorum.
Uzaya ve uzayla ilgili bir geleceğe sahip olmaya her zaman güçlü bir ilgim vardı. İlgilendiğim tek şey uzay ve tabii ki hayatımda yapmak istediğim şey bu, ancak uzayla ilgili işlerde aslında sıfır açık pozisyon var ve sadece en iyiler (ben değil) girebiliyor, pahalı ve tüm gereksinimlerin karşılanması o kadar uzun sürüyor ki sırf istediğim işi almak için 20’li yaşlarımı boşa harcamış olacağım.
Buna ek olarak, ne istediğimi bile *bilmiyorum*. Havacılık ve uzay mühendisliği, astrofizik, astronomi, hiçbir ipucu yok, çünkü hepsi beni aşan şeyler gerektiriyor ve hiçbirini başarabileceğimi hiç düşünmedim. Hiç kimya ya da fizik okumadım, yapabileceğim tek şey matematik ve bunda bile pek iyi değilim. Pes etmeden ve tembel bir serseri olmaya geri dönmeden üniversiteyi bitirebileceğimi sanmıyorum.
Motivasyonum yok, odağım yok, neredeyse hiçbir duygum yok ve yönüm yok. Bu konuyu ailemle konuşurdum ama zaten zihinsel sorunları olan bir çocukları var (kardeşim) ve iki tanesiyle ilgileneceklerinden şüpheliyim. Kendimi çok kötü ve umutsuz hissediyorum ve bu konuda stresli olduğumdan daha fazla üzülme kapasitesine neredeyse hiç sahip değilim.
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I’m not going to tell you you’re young and have plenty of time left because I felt exactly this way at 15 and if someone had said those words to me I probably would’ve gotten violent!
But what I will say is, give yourself time to become a person. You don’t know what you don’t know and trust me there is so much world out there to experience. Your brain isn’t done forming your prefrontal cortex yet! Trust me there are things to dissect that you haven’t yet been given the lens to even pick up on. Growing and experiencing the world is going to develop your sense of self, don’t deny yourself that opportunity by putting yourself in a box. I know you feel desperate and hopeless, I’ve felt that too. I know how it feels to have a sibling with greater needs than yours and I know it hurts to feel neglected even when you may not be. I don’t know your family situation but I do know that parents love their children and I hope yours are a safe enough space for you to try and express some of this. Take it from someone who has felt every bit of what you feel, I promise it gets better. Please don’t take me saying that lightly.
I know everything is so overwhelming and there is so much pressure but the only thing that has helped me get through all that is finding little pockets of happiness. Find things you are passionate about and pursue them anyway you can. If space interests you, study it to the maximum extent available to you and then involve yourself in anything even mildly related. If anything else catches your interest, follow your curiosity without a second thought. Don’t set limits for yourself that aren’t actually there. So what if your dreams seem unachievable? Find things that make everyday more bearable and use them as a vehicle to discovering your future self.
When I was 15 a teacher told me something I will never forget. He said “You deserve to be seen and to be heard. You deserve to have the passions you have”. Today I pass this onto you with the hope and promise that if you repeat them to yourself enough one day you will believe them. The world is big and scary but there is a place for you in it. You matter. Your dreams matter. Your passions and fears and curiosities matter. Don’t give up, I promise it does get better.
Dude I am 30 and I have felt this way multiple times throughout life. I am not a doctor but you are describing symptoms typical of low self esteem and depression.
Time to build your confidence and get out of depressive cycle, which means trying new things, pursuing goals, and learning to enjoy the process.
Most people don’t really know where they want to go until they are maybe 27-30. Even those who think they have it figured out will likely have new perspectives based on new experiences. So the good news is you are young so time is on your side.
My recommendations:
(1) Get your diet, sleep, and life in check – these have a massive impact on mood.
(2) Reduce screen time and social media. These things are fine in moderation but wow do they mess up my mood. They also steal time away from pursuing your goals
(3) Go to the gym or find some physical activity that you enjoy and want to get good at. I cannot stress this enough, your body feels good and looks good when you exercise – which will also bleed into literally all aspects of life. Also I have made best of mates through this avenue. It takes time to make friends and best is through shared experience. You need to put yourself in environments where making friends is easier. This requires consistent meetups around common interests.
(4) See a psych – you sound depressed so YMMV, but if you are still depressed after getting solid routine going and putting yourself in places/positions to socialize and make friends, then you might need to talk to someone and maybe even try medication. I myself have gotten on SSRI’s several times and honestly I wish I had done these as they really help pull me out of a rut. I’m not saying you need these drugs, but I am saying they can really help get your ass out of bed to make the changes needed for long term happiness, and there is no shame in getting them.
If you want to go work in space industry – chart a path to it and go for it! It will be a long road but the journey will be ripe with rich experiences. Don’t be afraid of saying yes to opportunities, you are young and can take the risk!
The biggest thing I have noticed from others and now from myself this: the biggest regrets in life are things people wish they had done, rather than what they didn’t do.
There are a million reasons you can find to NOT do something – but you only need one to pursue your dreams.
Pursing working in space into your 20s is NOT a waste of time, even if you decide to change your path. The only people I have seen waste time is those who never choose to pursue something and instead languish away doing deadend jobs too afraid to see something through.
Set goals, make a plan, follow the plan, meet the goal, occasionally check-in with yourself.
Socially get out there and talk it up. Talk to everyone. Cultivate a genuine curiosity in the cast of characters that make up this giant play we call life.
Seek God first and He will allow everything to fall into place. If you could have one consistency, it’s Heavenly Father. God bless bro.