Ocak 12, 2026
Neden aileme duygusal olarak bu kadar bağlıyım?
Herkese merhaba,
20 yaşındayım ve sürekli aşırı düşünmek ve depresyonla mücadele ediyorum. Anneme ve babama o kadar bağlıyım ki hayatta hiçbir şey yapamayacağımı hissediyorum. Bunu aileme de ifade ettim ve onların da endişeli olduklarını biliyorum. Ne yapacağımı anlayamıyorum.
Bir işe ihtiyacım var ama sadece günlük bir iş istiyorum çünkü patentlerim işten çıkarken vardiyamı bitirmek ve onlarla birlikte olabilmek istiyorum. Yakın zamanda bulaşıkçı olarak iş buldum. Orada yaklaşık bir hafta çalıştım ve vardiyam gece 23:00-12:00 arası bittiği için eve geldiğimde annem ve babam çoktan uyuyor olurdu. Babamın önünde sadece ağlamak ve tamamen umutsuzlukla dolu oldukça kötü bir olay yaşadım. Hissettiğim her şeyi anlattım ve o anladı. Bunun onları endişelendirdiğini biliyorum, ben bile endişeleniyorum.
İstediğim şey içimdeki bu korkuyu yavaş yavaş nasıl yeneceğimi bilmek. Başarısızlıktan korkuyorum, reddedilmekten korkuyorum, hayattan korkuyorum. Bu duygularla hayatta nasıl ilerlerim? Hiçbir şey olmayacağımdan korkuyorum. Annem ve babam benim hayatımdır.
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You need to talk about this with a therapist, because it sounds like an attachment disorder.
I think you need to expand your social support beyond your parents. You’re young, now is the time in your life when you’re spending more time with your peers. Do you have some close friends? Could you get a job where a lot of young people in your area work? Restaurant, retail, grocery store? And maybe enroll in a community college class or two.
At the end of the day, it’s realization and experience. Experience that you’ve failed before, been rejected. After which, you come to realize – “it’s not as bad as I thought, where it’s not actually… the end of the world?”
Of course if you can, find professional help if you’re able to. One that will truly work with your mindset and not just give an earful lecture about how life should be. Maybe it’s just the lack of mental health resources in my area, but I never found attempts at counselling helpful. So after a series of depressing thoughts for a long time my brain just one day woke up, and said – “enough is enough. I’m DONE being in this pathetic state I currently am. I will find my own happiness, and not let anything control me mentally – even if it’s my own mental state”
* I failed 2 courses during undergrad. Had a setback, but managed to graduate even if it was with a very low GPA.
* Rejection? Sure, not every social group in the world will welcome you with open arms. But you know what? There’s millions of people out there. Keep on striving, and find the people that truly resonate with you – those that will accept you for who you ARE, not what you did or accomplish in life. Where if they’re not toxic to you, even better.
Hmm… I forget which anime was it. But in one of them, a character was saying something along the lines of “it’s okay to life live having fear in your heart. In fact, even I do at times despite how I look. Having just a right enough of fear and anxiety will help protect your body against threats. You just need to learn to how to control it, so that you always maintain a certain amount, and never let them get out of control”.
In any case, as another people may have hinted, it sounds like to me that there is more to this story than what you’re telling us. For it makes me wonder, why are your parents your life? For I’m sure something happened in the past that made things turn out the way it did.
In any case, when you have time: There’s an anime called “Wind Breaker” and a song from that series called “Higher I’ll Go” by Ryo Takahashi. Seeing an anime that actively focused on character development from a mental health perspective was really refreshing 🙂
Don’t quit your job just to remain with your teenage years habit! It’s part of growing and you will adjust after 6 months to a year. You need to be strong, grow up, and get used to not seeing them as often as you used to or you won’t be able to make it without their presence or once you go to college.
Life is full of surprises and unfortunately we can loose our parents at any given moment. Crying won’t help. It’s up to you to be an adult or remain a toddler. Many students leave their parents behind at the age of 18-20 yo to go study abroad (USA, EU, ASIA…) and they will have to adapt with time and they do make it (only a very few don’t and they will go back to their parents). You will be fine, just be patient and stay busy doing your evening job. Remember that once you are around 23-25yo you will need to rent your own apartment and live your own life, working, paying your bills, going back to school for your master’s degree… if you are not prepared now, it won’t be easy in the long run especially if you decide to date in your early 30s.