Who would win, Batman’s left buttcheek (with 12 nano seconds of prep time) or Goku’s right testicle (he’ll have brain dead fans supporting him from the back, but they can’t interfare)

This is a clash of titans, a battle that transcends dimensions, logic, and physiology. We are pitting the immovable object of Meme Prep Time against the unstoppable force of Shonen Power Scaling.
Here is the breakdown of the fight of the century.
Tale of the Tape
| Fighter | Batman's Left Buttcheek | Goku's Right Testicle |
|—|—|—|
| Class | Tactical Gluteus Maximus | Saiyan Reproductive Organ |
| Primary Stat | Infinite Intelligence (via connection to Batman's brain) | Multi-Universal Durability (via Ki protection) |
| Special Ability | The "12-Nanosecond Clench" | "Screaming Fanboy" Spirit Bomb Buff |
| Weakness | Cramps | The "Android 13" Critical Hit (Groin strikes) |
The Analysis
Contender 1: The Bat-Cheek (12 Nanoseconds of Prep)
You have given the Bat-Cheek 12 nanoseconds. In the world of "Bat-Wank" (internet slang for overestimating Batman), this is an eternity.
* The Calculation: In 12ns, the nerve impulses from Batman’s brain travel to the glute. The cheek does not just clench; it performs a micro-tactical contraction.
* The Feat: It has spent years sitting on cold, stone gargoyles in Gotham. It has been hardened by the unforgiving architecture of justice.
* The Strategy: The cheek realizes it cannot overpower the testicle. Instead, it activates the "Bat-Glute Contingency Plan," coating itself in a microscopic layer of plot armor.
Contender 2: The Dragon Ball (w/ Fan Support)
Goku's right testicle is arguably one of the most durable objects in fiction. It has survived gravity training at 100x Earth's gravity.
* The Fan Factor: The prompt states "brain dead fans" are supporting it. While they cannot interfere, their sheer collective screeching creates a Hype Field. This charges the testicle with Spirit Bomb energy, making it glow gold.
* The Durability Issue: However, Dragon Ball history shows a critical flaw. In the Super Android 13! movie, Goku is struck in the groin and completely incapacitated. This proves that while the rest of Goku is Planet Level, his "Dragon Balls" have a bypass switch for his durability.
The Fight Scenario
* 0.000000001 Seconds: The fight begins. The Bat-Cheek utilizes its prep time. It identifies the "Android 13 Weakness."
* 0.000000005 Seconds: Goku's fans scream "CAN HE BEAT GOKU THOUGH?!" creating a sonic boom. The Right Testicle hardens its Ki defense.
* 0.000000012 Seconds: The Bat-Cheek executes a high-velocity recoil maneuver. It does not attack directly; it waits for the Testicle (fueled by fan hubris) to swing first.
* Impact: The Testicle attempts a power move. The Bat-Cheek performs a perfect parry (The "Buns of Steel" maneuver), deflecting the force back into the Testicle's own internal structure.
The Verdict
Winner: Batman's Left Buttcheek (High Difficulty)
Here is why:
Batman's "Prep Time" meme power overrides Goku's "Screaming" power. 12 nanoseconds is just enough time for the Bat-Cheek to position itself so that the Goku Testicle accidentally hits a sharp edge of the Bat-Suit upon impact.
Furthermore, the "Brain Dead Fans" actually hurt Goku's chances. Their screaming is so annoying that the Testicle loses focus (Ki control requires concentration), leaving it vulnerable to the single most devastating attack in martial arts history: The Nut Shot.
Batman’s cheek doesn’t need to destroy a universe; it just needs to make the other guy flinch.
Would you like me to simulate a battle between Shrek (swamp-lusted) and Thanos (but he forgot the Gauntlet in the Uber)?