The Oragnge Dih

In the land of America, where the kings claim to be presidents, there lived a man named Puzzleheaded_Line839, an ordinary traveller who somehow found himself astride the most peculiar creature in the realm: the Orange Dih.

The Dih wasn’t like other mounts. It was small, orange-tinted, with a mane that looked suspiciously like spun gold and a voice that never stopped talking.

“I’m the fastest, strongest, most luxurious creature ever created,” it would bellow as Puzzleheaded_Line839 tried to hold on. “Everyone says so. Everyone!”

Puzzleheaded_Line839 didn’t remember choosing to ride it. One day, it simply showed up outside the inn, claiming it was “the best ride anyone could have.” (He was lying, it was small asf) The villagers laughed, until the Dih began building small walls of hay bales everywhere it went—allegedly to “keep out the illegal immigrants.” (They were 2.5x less likely to commit crimes, though)

Whenever Puzzleheaded_Line839 tried to steer it toward adventure, the Dih would veer off course to admire its reflection in puddles or demand applause from confused farmers.

Still, Puzzleheaded_Line839 found the dih oddly small. As they traveled, the Dih boasted about having made “legendary deals” with dragons, insulted elves for being “too pointy,” and tried to rename every forest after itself.

By the time Puzzleheaded_Line839 reached the capital, the Orange Dih had declared itself King, Emperor, and “Supreme Negotiator of All Trade Agreements.” Crowds gathered—some cheering, others rolling their eyes—but none could deny that the Dih was entertaining.

Puzzleheaded_Line839 sighed, patted its gilded mane, and muttered,
“Maybe someday you’ll actually go somewhere instead of just talking about it.”

The Dih paused, blinked, and said, “Fake news.”

And with that, it trotted proudly into the sunset—still talking, still shining, still certain it was the worst thing that ever existed.