Ekim 19, 2025
Neredeyse 3000 dolar harcadım, kendim “düzeltmek” zorunda değilim. Buradan ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum
Bu yüzden bunun hakkında yazarken bile utanıyorum, yaptığım şeyden son derece utanıyorum ve içten içe bunun bir faydası olmayacağını da biliyorum. Ben derin bir çukura düşmüş 24 yaşında bir adamım. Geçen sonbaharda görünüşümle ilgili küçük şeyleri, kaşlarımın düz olmamasını, kafamın asimetrik olmasını ve genel olarak görünüşümden hoşlanmamayı fark etmeye başladım. Sanırım bunu tetikleyen şey, arkadaşımın görünüşüm hakkında yaptığı, sadece çirkin insanlarla birlikte olmam gerektiğini söyleyen bir yorumdu. Hayatımda birkaç kez çirkin olduğum söylendi, sanırım bu bende bir şeyleri uyandırdı.
Resimlerimi internette yayınlayarak doğrulama arayışıyla başladı, çirkin miyim, vb. insanlar ne derse desin, sadece olumsuzlara odaklandım. Sonra takıntılı bir şekilde kendi fotoğraflarımı çekerdim, aynada kendime bakardım, hoşlanmayacağım ya da nefret edeceğim yeni şeyler bulurdum. Artık insana benzediğimi bile hissetmiyorum. Aynada kendimi her gördüğümde tamamen farklı bir insana benziyorum.
O halde bugün neredeyiz? Yaptığım şeyden gurur duymuyorum ama bu düşünceler beni yiyip bitiriyor. İnsanların beni daha çok kabul edeceğini umarak daha “erkeksi” olmak için steroidlere başladım. Ayrıca kredi kartımla Şubat ayında geri ödeyemeyeceğim bir saç ekimi rezervasyonu yaptırdım. Şimdi çene ameliyatı ve göz kapağı küçültmeyle ilgileniyorum. Ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. Belki benim için artık çok geç. Ama içten içe kendimi gerçekten yaşayan en çirkin adam gibi hissediyorum. İnsana benzemiyorum. Bir tür karaktere benziyorum. Umarım yalnız değilim. içinde Bu şekilde hissediyorum ve umarım bundan kurtulabilirim. Benzer bir deneyimi olan varsa lütfen bunu nasıl atlattığını bana bildirin, bu beni tüketiyor.
Etiketler:
Stop hanging out with this so called “friend.” People who blatantly put you down or make you feel worse are not your friend.
The day you are proud of yourself is the same day you can choose to live a better life.
Ultimately, is it going to be today?
Only you can make that choice.
Therapy is a lot cheaper than the pit of cosmetic surgery that will never end. If you don’t have $3k for it now, you won’t have another $3k later after the can of worms has been opened and you think you need more. Learning to place your concerns and interests in something other than physical appearances will also be healthier for your mental health in the long run.
This sounds like body dysmorphia. Therapy can help 🩵
You have to trust me when I say, almost all stuff you do externally won’t heal a compromised self-esteem. You can hit the gym and that will give you a sense of control, balance your feelings, occupy your mind and body. Please consider therapy. Obsessing over looks will rob your joy and rot your soul. Also rid yourself of people that tell you you’re ugly, it’s crazy to me how anybody over the age of 10 can say something like that. Nothing needs to be fixed, because you are not broken, friend. You just got a bit lost in the mean things people have said to you.
Honestly you just need to accept yourself an laugh it off. Cancel your transplant appt, I’m losing my hair too in the front…I’m freaking out about that too! The left side of my head has less hair than the right side. It’s annoying because I’m obsessed with my hair, I used to be a hair stylist and my family is also on the beauty industry. I have melasma on my face from birth control I’m pretty sure, my left side of my face isn’t symmetrical as the left but you know what I’m not going to fix it like I used to think I needed a nose job and to get my toes cracked straight because I have flat feet. I’m not perfect, and I never will be and I accepted that a long time ago. I know I’m a pretty women, and the things I’m telling you about NO ONE NOTICES! So if I were you just shake it off and accept yourself for who you are and if I were you I’d cancel the transplant hair appt asap. You do not need it.
The missing piece of the puzzle is neither ugly nor is it pretty. It just fits. That is what is meant by “finding your match”.
As an aside, the one thing I wish I had done when I was 24 was do more weight training to build strength and invest in my health. And drink less. And eat more fiber. And get at least 8 hours’ sleep every night. AND STOP WATCHING TELEVISION, it enforces inferiority just like social media.
Unfortunately God makes everyone different. There is only so much you can do fixing physical looks. But if you think that’s what attracts people to you, so be it. But in reality many people aren’t friends because of looks. Usually it involves more like personality, intelligence and demeanor. Albert Einstein was a very good looking guy, but he made up for it in brains. Maybe you should work on the things that you can fix.
You look like your dad
I joined the military out of high school and I had people throughout my entire 5 years in make jokes about me saying I looked like Sloth from the Goonies. It definitely fucked me up a little bit. But I added up the other positives. I was still getting girls. Still had other cool friends. Some people are just haters. People typically project onto others when they don’t have confidence in themselves. Don’t strain yourself trying to fit some perfect mold.
Masculinity and femininity – of which all men have both- aren’t things that can be taken away.
If someone emasculated you it’s because you didn’t feel like you had it
Fixing your hairline is one thing. I could never be mad at a man that does that.
Taking steroids and getting major surgery is a whole other thing.
You can’t afford it so stop it.
Getting a hair transplant and going on T seem like they’re kind of at cross purposes to each other. Also, you’re 24, did you get bloodwork to find out your starting T level?
You might benefit from a medication that can stop thought spirals, like Prozac or imipramine.
Also get that “friend” out of your life.
I think the mistake you are making is that you think fixing the external things will fix the problem. The real problem is an internal one that needs to be fixed. It’s okay, we all go through things. Those external procedures are unlikely to fix the emotions you are experiencing.
This is sad. Get every mirror out of your house or cover them and try not to think about your looks at all for at least a month. Your value as a person is not defined by how you look, in fact, as a person you have intrinsic value that you need to recognise. You are literally just as intrinsically valuable as any other human on the planet. Ok, there are maybe other people contributing more to society (I know many people who contribute more than me). They are great people. Being good looking is not important in the same way even though it feels really important when you’re young. You’ve let it become a distorted obsession. Don’t let your looks define you, it’s such a waste of all the other things that make you unique. Cancel all enhancements while you reset your brain! Do not book any surgeries!!