Kasım 27, 2025
Hayatımın sikişini nasıl hallederim?
28F yaşındayım, Oregon’da yeni bir hemşire olarak çalışıyorum ve aslen Kaliforniyalıyım. Oregon’dan nefret ediyorum ve yeterince para biriktirip bir işim ayarlandığında Kaliforniya’ya geri dönme planlarım var.
Son ilişkimde aldatıldığımdan beri her zaman çok kırgınım ve o hala benimle iletişim kurmanın yeni yollarını buluyor. Benim tek ailem, yakın zamanda ülkedeki en iyi tıp fakültelerinden birinden, 3 günlük rotasyonları kaçırmasına neden olan istemsiz psikolojik müdahale nedeniyle atılan ağabeyimdir. Şu anda SF’de yaşıyor, bir hukuk dairesi için inanılmaz miktarda para ödüyor ve hiçbir şey için para biriktirmeye yetmiyor.
Kardeşimin yanına taşınabilmek için en kısa zamanda Kaliforniya’ya taşınmayı önerdim, böylece okulu ayrımcılık nedeniyle dava etmeyi planladığı için bir avukat için para biriktirebilirdi. Oregon’da kendimi çok çaresiz hissediyorum ve burada geçirdiğim her an boşa gidiyor çünkü yerleşmek istediğim yer burası değil, bu yüzden buradaki her ilişki anlamsız ve burada bulunarak hayatımı erteliyorum.
Arabamın kilometresi çok yüksek ve ikinci el bir Mercedes almadan önce hâlâ kredimi oluşturmaya çalışıyorum. Planım bir Mercedes almak için yaklaşık iki ay beklemek, eski arabamı satmak, hemşirelik lisansımı Cali’ye devretmek ve ya kardeşimin yanına taşınmak ya da tamamen kendi evimi almak.
Kardeşimin yaşadığı bilimkurgu hayranı değilim ve Orange County gibi daha güneşli bir yeri tercih ederim. Ona Cali’de çok pahalı olmayan başka bir yere taşınmasını, böylece orada çalışıp daha fazla tasarruf etmesini önerdim ama henüz yanıt vermedi.
Hayatımı mı mahvettim? 20’li yaşlarım boyunca sürüklendim ve şimdi neredeyse 30 yaşındayım… 4 yılımı, haberim olmadan aldatıldığım ve onun ve annesinin hala ulaşabildiği nefret ettiğim bir durumda yaşadığım bir ilişkide geçirdim. Kelimenin tam anlamıyla herkesi hayalet olarak görmek ve hareket etmek istiyorum.
Tekrar buluşma arzum yok. Sadece kendime ait güzel bir ev, güneşli ve estetik açıdan hoş bir yerde yaşamak, seyahat etmek ve hayatın tadını çıkarmak için yeterli para ve belki bir köpek istiyorum.
Bunalmış durumdayım, çok çalışıyorum ve acı çekiyorum. Herhangi bir tavsiye memnuniyetle karşılanacaktır
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Buying a used Mercedes at this point would be setting the rest of your life on fire. Keep the old car. If your brother isn’t ready to unfuck his life, don’t fritter yours away getting him there. Find ONE thing you like in Oregon and concentrate on that. Don’t make any other decisions for at least six months.
So you hate your life, but your focus is on buying a Mercedes? Mmmkay. Why a used Mercedes? I’m pretty sure there’s better value for money out there.
Look, you’re a nurse. You have the least fucked up life imaginable. You could literally work ANYWHERE. Countries around the world that are cracking down on immigration are like, “You’re a nurse? Come on in!” You could go to Canada, Europe, probably anywhere else in the U.S., especially smaller towns. Do a little research and see what sounds interesting.
You can’t save your brother. What you can do is concentrate on setting your own life up well so that you can be there for him in ways that actually make sense.
Why do you hate Oregon? Curious cuz i was considering moving from CA to Oregon as well
You have a job, a roof over your head, a car and so on. At 28 you achieved great things so far and your whole life is ahead of you Op, dont fret! Some people are starting over at 40-60.
You already now what to do now: save up 3-6 months of living expenses, try to build up your credit by taking up secured credit cards and paying off religiously, and most importantly working on your mental health. Moving in with your brother in his current situation and yours would only exacerbate your stress and probably ruin your relationships.
You have to believe you can create options and opportunities to steer your life!
I respect your decision to move on from your ex who cheated on you and wanting to move on with your life because you’re choosing better for you. Do not be so hard on yourself! It sounds like you have a lot going for yourself and have set yourself up for a successful future being a nurse. You have not messed up your life in anyway you’re just on your journey. I’m only a few years older than you and I’ve definitely felt moments of oh my God I’m almost 30! lol truth is I feel like what you’re going through what you made me feeling it might just be time to dig really deep and ask yourself what it is you truly want in life.
I would start by taking a deep breath and really analyzing What makes you happy and where you see yourself being in the next five years and then go from there. California is great. I’m also from there but there are other cool places to live that could be a more affordable. Definitely do your research. Good luck! 🙂
IK a couple travel nurses that are into speedflying. Do the course and then pick places like Alaska, Utah, etc to sign contracts while you progress in the sport
Firstly, you haven’t fuck it up. You’re a nurse. Someone in a much needed role. You save lives. A change of scenery may definitely do you some good. Ride that whip as long as you can. If living with your brother would help you financially and not further disrupt your mental health. Run that. If you are able to live within your means solo…that’s a solid choice as well. I’ve lived with my siblings…it did not help my mental health lol
How difficult would it be to transfer your license and snag a new job? Could you arrange this prior to your move? Have you thought of being a travel nurse? A change of scenery often may be fun. Now would be the time to do it, unless you were dead set on returning to Cali.
You have not ruined your life yet but if you want to ruin it buy that Mercedes and move in with your mentally ill brother.
I feel like you should be on the Caleb hammer show
I feel ya girl. My circumstances weren’t the same but I (29F) also felt very stuck, overwhelmed, and bitter about my life. What worked for me was a good counselor, where we focused on retraining my thoughts.
It sounds corny but how you think determines how you live and approach things in life. I’m at point now where this helped me make decisions to change things that otherwise wouldn’t have been able to if I stayed the same, and I’ve also been able to lower the “intensity” of negative thoughtss I have towards circumstances that are out of the realm of my control.
If you’re able to starting seeing a counselor or even look into resources on retraining you brain, I highly recommend it. It won’t solve every problem on your life, but you’ll be happier for it. Good luck!
A used Mercedes? That’s a great way to make things worse. Go buy a nice used Honda or Toyota and enjoy not having unpredictable repair bills every month.
I think your only issue is the fact that you still didn’t cut off your ex for good! Why the f*ck are you still in touch with him and his mother? Block their numbers off, and change your phone number! It doesn’t matter where you decide to move to now or later, but if you can’t cut them off for good, you are wasting your time and life!
listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast. you wont regret it
Bad news: There’s a lot for you to unpack;
Good news: Your life experience is way more common than you think, and can be turned around.
Better news: If you are prepared to work hard on it, your life will improve quickly.
Happy to help with unlicensed psychology, energy-work and psychic reading.
Sending blessings your way. 🛜
Take out your frustrations on the patients/other hospital workers
Have you thought about travel nursing? It could give you the opportunity to try some different cities without committing to them long term. The pay is goods, they’ll put you up in an apartment or condo. The assignments are usually for 12 weeks with some offering extensions or permanent jobs if it’s a good fit. Look around and see what’s availability in areas you’d like to check out. Good luck.
I would prefer to never own a Mercedes; parts are pricey.
Depending how much stuff you got, get a U-Haul and can move on.