Ocak 8, 2026
Araba sürmeyi öğrenmeli miyim, iş bulmalı mıyım yoksa üniversiteye mi gitmeliyim?
28 yaşındayım ve hayatımı izolasyon içinde yaşıyorum çünkü çoğunlukla utanç, suçluluk ve başarısızlık taşıyorum. Gerçekten ne yapacağıma dair hiçbir yönlendirmem ve fikrim yok. Hayatım hakkında endişeleniyorum çünkü kendimi gerçekten yetişkin bir çocuk gibi hissediyorum. Ciddi derecede düşük özgüvenim var. Araba kullanmayı öğrenmek, iş bulmak ve üniversiteye gitmek gibi listelediklerim gibi hedeflerim hakkında endişelenmeye devam ediyorum. Hepsi benim hayatım için son derece önemli. Araba sürmeden hayat engelli ve yetersiz hissedilir. Bir iş bulmak evet bu da önemli çünkü hayatta güvenlik ve istikrara sahip olmak sadece bir zorunluluk ve üniversite ya da bir tür beceri. Ama önce hangi hedef üzerinde çalışacağımı ve nasıl başlayacağımı bilmiyorum. Kendime neden inanmadığımı bilmiyorum. Yardım istemekten neden bu kadar utandığımı ve aşağılandığımı bilmiyorum
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Both. Driving isn’t too hard to learn, might take 2, 3 weeks, maybe less with a good teacher. If you’ve got money, if not get a job then do the driving.
I’ve been there. It gets better once you realize you have to make the decisions, and anyone you make is better than staying put doing nothing.
Self compassion is the cure. Talk gently to yourself & others. I believe in you.
I would work on getting into college first. Can you fo that?
This is relatable at the same age. Sorry I don’t have any advice, just similar problems.
Dude, I didn’t learn how to drive until I was 29. Got my license several days after turning 30. Had a lot of fun riding public transportation for eight years. I’ll never go back as long as I can help it. It’s changes like expanding your capacity of mobility in your life that bring about a bigger net to catch more opportunities. I’ve got two part-time retail jobs that aren’t necessarily enough to live off of independently. I’m very close to turning 32 years old. Whether it’s finding a job or expanding your net for catching opportunities is, be sure to look back and reflect once you accomplish at least one experience. I wouldn’t overwhelm yourself about getting everything on your list finished. Just do a little math in your head and remember that your current age is 10 years apart from another age in the future or 20 years from some future age. Try to beat yourself over the head over the crazy amount of time you have left to accomplish stuff. You can’t just repeat positive affirmations in your head to feel better. It’s the things you were brave enough to accomplish that will ground you. You may not feel like what you’ve done is enough at first. Allow yourself to “off” days aplenty. When you get that job or access to a car, give yourself the space to reflect that you did that for you.
Job. Because it’s good to have an income for everything else. Without a job you probably can’t afford school or driving lessons unless you’re made of money.
Start with getting a job – this allows to be more social, brings in money, and you learn new skills such as how to talk to people, how to delegate tasks, and how to complete tasks/projects. It’s a great first step towards adulting and gives you life experience like nothing else can.
Learning how to drive is the next big step – It also makes you more confident, allows you to travel farther, and good for grocery shopping.
With money coming in weekly, the ability to drive, and some newfound life experience; you can better decide what you’re going to study in college based on what you learned about yourself, people, and the world in general.
One step at a time is KEY – if you start to feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to slow down and reassess your current situation. Just don’t look back and always be improving on SOMETHING.
I wish you the best on this new journey 🙏 and remember this: you can do more than you think or believe!
You can do both
Driving, then job, then college.
Learning to drive is easy. Do that first to build confidence. Get a learners permit from the DMV. Ask someone to teach you. They’ll sit in the passenger seat and tell you what to do. Drive around parking lots, then quiet streets, then busy streets, then highways. Practice parking too. Then test for your license.
Getting a job is harder, but you need money to buy a car or pay for college. Working makes you feel like a capable adult more than anything. Apply anywhere. Walmart, fast food restaurants, gas stations, warehouses, call centers. Anywhere that hires teenagers is willing to take people with no experience. You can leave the references line on applications blank. That will lose you some jobs but not all. Or fill it in with anyone vaguely plausible and hope they don’t bother calling them. Say you didn’t work before because you were dealing with a health problem. You probably have mental health problems so it’s sort of true.
Once you’ve settled into a routine at work, contact your local community college. Their admissions people can help you decide what to study and apply for financial aid. Take one class to start with. Then keep taking classes that fit around your work schedule. Make it your goal to get a practical degree that will qualify you for better jobs.
Who is providing for you? Your parents? They already know you’re a loser right now. They’ll think better of you for trying to improve, not worse. Asking them to teach you to drive or help you apply for a job would probably make them proud and happy. It’s not asking that’s shameful.
I know that can be hard to believe. Irrational shame and humiliation make things harder, but not impossible. It’s ok to spend days working up your nerve. Practice your conversation opener over and over. Pick a time in advance. Then walk up to them and say it. Respond to whatever they say with whatever you can think of, even if it’s “I don’t know”. Try to push through any bad feelings that come up. Remember, every conversation has an end. You can endure the pain for a few minutes, then go off and bury yourself in whatever you use to numb yourself. As long as you get a driving lesson scheduled or a job application submitted or a ride to an interview, you win. It doesn’t matter how hard it is, it matters that you do it. Try to feel proud afterwards.
If you can apply by yourself for jobs you can get to without help, that’s even better. Announcing you just got a job to people who were disappointed in you feels fantastic. Don’t give up if that’s not an option, though.
Good luck!