Temmuz 4, 2025
🧬⚔️ the virgin vulva VS. THE CHAD PENIS
🤏 the virgin vulva
• pees from one hole, bleeds from another, orgasms from a third
• requires a flowchart and at least two mirrors just to locate anything
• overengineered like a victorian clock but with worse instructions
• external stimulation needed like it’s a usb device from 1998
• discharge just… happens??
• “self-cleaning” but somehow still needs a backup team of wipes, sprays, and prayers
• orgasm is elusive and often outsourced to electronics
• zero interface standardization
• discharge types read like an rpg loot drop
• squirting = rare event debated by philosophers
• can’t aim pee. just vibes and backsplash
• maintenance-intensive — needs monthly reboot with blood
• emotionally bonded to her vibrator more than her boyfriend
VS
🍆 THE CHAD PENIS
• SINGLE TUBE. MULTI-STREAM. NO NONSENSE
• HYDRAULICALLY ACTUATED. FULL MAST IN SECONDS
• DOESN’T NEED A USER MANUAL — JUST ONE HAND AND FREE TIME
• ORGASMS LIKE CLOCKWORK. EVERY TIME. GUARANTEED
• CLEANING SYSTEM INCLUDED (PRE-CUM™)
• CAN BE SPUN LIKE A HELICOPTER BLADE FOR MORAL SUPPORT
• DOUBLE AS CRANKSHAFT, LEVER, OR SPIRITUAL COMPASS
• CAN BE OPERATED STANDING, LYING DOWN, OR IN SHAME
• ZERO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED
• PISS LASER AIMED WITH MILITARY PRECISION
• ALWAYS READY. NEVER ASKS QUESTIONS
• EMOTIONAL DAMAGE? STORED SAFELY IN THE BALLS
• RETRACTS WHEN DONE. NO BLEEDING, NO MYSTERY.
• EVOLUTION’S FINEST MULTITOOL.
🧠 Closing Thoughts:
the virgin vulva: requires candles, affirmations, lube, emotional support, 7-step guide to find g-spot
THE CHAD PENIS: GRAB, CRANK, FIRE.
Etiketler:
crossposted to r/badwomensanatomy any% speedrun
FULL MAST IN SECONDS
Sex.
Did that person think the clit is the third hole??
Not necessarily wrong.
i CAN aim pee
Based.
holy trvke
Monthly reboot with blood? Machine… What the fuck is this kink
Go drink some arsenic for posting this