Mayıs 17, 2025
Yes, I launched an ICBM. No, I will not be apologizing.
Did I use a nuclear-capable intercontinental ballistic missile to respond to a home invasion? Yes. Was it proportional? No. But was it justified? Abso-fucking-lutely. He kicked the door once. Just once.
But that was enough for my threat matrix to go from “mild disturbance” to “DEFCON 1.”
I assessed the situation calmly.
I looked at my options:
🔲 Call 911
🔲 Hide under the bed
✅ Press the big red button labeled "LOL try me”
In 7 minutes, 32 states no longer existed. The intruder? Vaporized mid-step.
My home? Cratered. My will to live? Vindicated. In court, they asked; “Didn’t you consider de-escalation?”. I said: "He didn’t blink when I answered the door. Who doesn’t blink? Psychopaths and lizards.. PLUS he brought a backpack the size of a coffin. I wasn’t waiting to find out what was inside." They said I had options. I said I had missiles. I didn’t overreact. I overcorrected. My smoke alarm said “too far.” I said “too late.”
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Did you know,
what the actual shit
What U.S. president said this?