the longest roast (compilation of roasts) I cant paste into the og (its too long)

compilation of roasts

Shut your skin tone chicken bone google chrome no home flip phone disowned ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome genome full blown monochrome student loan Indiana Jones overgrown flintstone x and y hormone friendzone Sylvester Stallone Sierra Leone autozone professionally seen silver patrone ching Chong lin long suck my ding dong headass remote control autism down syndrome stage four terminal brain cancer O'Riley autoparts silver bronze ash amino UV light pen sushi ram ramen Harisson Ford gamer bitch ass Virgin lamp thermometer lean mean string bean Charlie Sheen limousine canteen trampoline serpentine anti histamine wolverine submarine unclean nectarine broken gene Halloween detective spleen smoke screen James Dean putting green tiny peen anti vaccine aquamarine eugene extra green nicotine vaseline jelly bean magazine protein Lightning McQueen vending machine what'chu mean ocean man by ween head in California, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. A zit on the butt of society. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.

You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. Because off your face the rabbit population actually decreased. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good. Hush your palette, chicken cutlet, Safari safari, no domicile, flip phone exile, dessert cone disown, gnome roam, bonus chromosome metronome, Dimmadome biodome, genome monochrome, student loan Indiana Jones, overgrown Flintstone xylophone, hormone friendzone, Stallone Sierra Leone, autozone professionally known, silver patrone ching-chong drone, suck my ding dong head remote, autism down syndrome, stage four brain lore, O'Riley autoparts, silver bronze ash cart, amino UV light sushi, ramen Ford gamer, Virgin lamp thermometer, lean mean serene Charlie Sheen, limousine canteen, trampoline serpentine, anti-histamine wolverine, submarine unclean nectarine, broken gene Halloween, detective spleen smoke screen, James Dean putting green, tiny peen vaccine, aquamarine Eugene, extra green nicotine, vaseline jelly magazine, protein Lightning McQueen, vending machine ocean dream, by the Ween, head up, hush up, mind your meme, language scheme, chat supreme. Ayo I do not know why you talkin, you got a decepticon dildo in yo nostril, if you dont get yo TANGERINE MR CLEAN CAN I GET A JELLYBEAN URINE STAIN RUSTY DRAIN DESTINY 2 DLC CAMPAIGN BUILDER HUT INGROWN NUT SPREAD ME WIDE AND FILL ME UP FLINT AND STEEL BANANA PEEL DREAM JUST DID A FACE REVEAL LOOKIN ASS OUTTA MY FACE. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HEAD BUTT BILLY GOATS FOR TABLE SCRAPS. SLAP BOX BEARS FOR BEEHIVES. YOU BE SLEEPIN IN YO BED LIKE AN INVERTED FRACTION WITH YO FEET ON THE PILLOW YO WACKY ASS BACKWARD LOOKIN ASS. YO ASS BUILT LIKE A WOO WALKING SEMI AUTI***IS NAKED MOLE RAT WITH A BOOSIE NO DAISY SLIDE WITH NO DRIP JUST DROUGHT LOOKIN ASS. YOU STARTED THROWING ROCKS AT GAY PEOPLE AND CALLED YOURSELF THE FRUITY PEBBLER. YO GOOFY ASS STOP PLAYIN BRUH. BEFORE YOU CAN EAT DINNER AT NIGHT YO DAD STAND IN THE DOORWAY WITH A BELT. TURN AROUND AND SAY POCO LA CO DING DADE DA DING DA. YOU START KIDDING AROUND YO ABUSIVE FATHER HAVIN ASS STOP PLAYIN BRUH. YO GRANDFATHER WAS FALLING HARD ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. YOU TAPPED HIS NIPPLE AND PUT HIM IN LOW POWER MODE DUMBASS GRANDFATHER LOOKIN ASS. YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WAS DONE. AYO CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YO GRANDMA BE SHOOTING LASER BEAMS OUT OF HER NIPPLES. THE FUCK GOIN ON WITH YOU UGLY ASS. 12 ASS COMBO LOOKIN ASS. TELL ME WHY EVERY TIME YOUR GRANDPA TICKLES YOU YOU GIVE HIM A COIN STUPID ASS. "IM MAKING MONEY" STUPID ASS BITCH YOU UGLY ASS SHIT. YOU WAS JUMPIN TO SCHOOL YESTERDAY LIKE SUPER MARIO BROS. ALRIGHT BUT IM DONE WITH YOU YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WAS DONE BITCH IM JUST STARTIN. YOU MOW THE LAWN BY EATIN THE GRASS. YOUR ENTIRE FACE LOOKS LIKE A BLACK OPS 3 MAP. FAZE TEMPER JUST HIT A 360 NO SCOPE OFF YOUR LEFT EYEBROW. YOUR ENTIRE HEAD LOOKS LIKE A GRAPEFRUIT WITH PUBES ON TOP. YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS BUILT LIKE A GERIATRIC BLASTOISE. YOU TELL HER TO USE BUBBLE BEAM AND SHE JUST MAKES DIARRHEA IN HER PANTS. YOU MADE A FORTNITE MONTAGE OUTTA YOUR PARENTS SEX TAPE. YOUR DAD JUST GAMBLED AWAY YOUR HOUSES MORTGAGE TO AN ANTI-SEMITIC GANG BANGING MOLE RAT IN YOUR BASEMENT. EVERY SUNDAY MORNING YOUR MOTHER GOES TO A FOOD PANTRY AND LACTATES LEMON JUICE OUT OF HER NIPPLES FOR STARVING UNDERPRIVILEGED INDIAN MIDGETS. YOUR GRANDFATHERS DENTURES ARE A POWER-UP IN BLACK OPS ZOMBIES 2. AFTER THE POLICE SAW YOUR HAIRLINE THEY MADE YOUR BARBER DO A BREATHALYZER TEST. I'LL REALLY GET TO THE COOKING NOW. YOU BROUGHT A BOOGIE BOMB TO PROM WITH YOU JUST INCASE YOU RAN OUT OF DANCE MOVES. STOP PLAYIN WITH ME. YOUR EYEBROWS ARE CURRENTLY BEEFING WITH EACH OTHER OVER A 2K WAGER. YOU GOT BANNED FROM EVERY ZOO IN YOUR STATE BECAUSE EVERY TIME THE MONKEYS SEE YOUR HAIRLINE THEY TURN INTO CURIOUS GEORGE. YOUR MOM HAD ANAL SEX WITH A WET PILLOW CASE AND YOUR GRANDFATHER LOST A ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT MATCH TO A STOP SIGN ON A FREEWAY, DUMBASS. YOU TRIED TO ASSASSINATE PERCY JACKSON WITH A WET FART AND YOUR DAD EDWARD HAD SEX WITH A CHICKEN NUGGET ON A DEATH STAR WHILE KYLO REN WAS THROWING CHEESE STICKS AT YOUR GRANDMOTHER IN AN X-WING, DUMBASS. YOU THREW A BOOMERANG AT THE PARK AND IT DIDN'T COME BACK BECAUSE YOU UGLY AS SHIT AND YOU LOOK LIKE A PENGUIN WITH A MOHAWK. YOU SNEEZED AND YOUR ENTIRE STATE'S POWER WENT OUT. YOU THOUGHT ADULT SWIM WAS A WATER PARK FOR CAMELS YOU DIRTY AS SHIT ASSHOLE. YOU SHOT A CROSSBOW AT A BALD EAGLE IN JAMAICA FOR NO REASON. YOU LOOK LIKE A NATIVE AMERICAN STINK BUG WITH BOOTY SHORTS ON. MY DUDE YOU WENT TO AN AQUARIUM AND STARTED SPITTIN GAME WITH A HERMIT CRAB. YOU JUST POSTED AN INSTAGRAM STORY OF YOUR DAD ABUSING YOU WITH AN EMPTY KETCHUP PACKET. YOU RECORDED A SEX TAPE WITH A PARAPLEGIC TORTOISE ON A LEAPFROG CAMERA UNDER A TABLE AT A BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP AND HAD IT ILLEGALY DISTRIBUTED BY AN ANTI-SEMETIC GANG BANGING PELICAN NAMED MICHAEL. YOU WERE CONCEIVED INSIDE OF THE CHUCK E CHEESE BALL PIT. YOUR EYEBROWS LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT A BRAZILIAN BUTT LIFT. YOU WORE AN ADIDAS TRACK SUIT TO YOUR GRANDMOTHERS FUNERAL. YOU THOUGHT DA BABY WAS A CHILDRENS DAYCARE CENTER. YOU THOUGHT SMASH BROS WAS A GAY PORNO MAGAZINE YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S CASKET IS A GOGURT TUBE AND YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS CREMATED INSIDE OF A EASY BAKE OVEN. YOU OPEN UP YOUR CLOSET AND SEE A BUNCH OF FORTNITE SKINS HANGING UP. LOOK AT YOUR HAIRCUT YOU GOT A BLACK CARD AT SUPERCUTS. YOU GOT ARMADILLOS EATING ALPHABET SOUP IN YOUR BASEMENT. YOU WAS ON NAKED AND AFRAID PILLOW FIGHTING WITH LEMURS. YOU ASKED YOUR GRANDFATHER FOR AIRPODS AND HE BOUGHT YOH LIMA BEANS BUT YOU FELT BAD STUCK THEM IN YOUR EARS AND STARTED BREAK DANCING. YOU GOT RATS IN YOUR FRIDGE RIGHT NOW DRAG RACING ON THE ICE TRAYS, GAMBLING ALL YOUR CHEESE AWAY. YOU STICK A STICK UP YOUR BUTT AND CALLED YOURSELF THE HUMAN POPSICLE. YOU WEIRD AS HELL. "AYE YO WHAT IS GOING ON GUYS MR. BEAST HERE AND TODAY THE LAST TO LEAVE YOUR GRANDMOTHERS NIPPLE WINS 10,000 DOLLARS. STOP PLAYIN WITH YOUR LITTLE WEIRD ASS. YOU BE DOING ASMR TO THE BED BUGS IN YOUR PILLOW AT NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP. YOU WEIRD LIKE SHIT YOU WALK AROUND SCHOOL WITH A BUCKEF ON YOUR HEAD SAYING "ALL HAIL PLANKTON ALL HAIL PLANKTON ALL HAIL PLANKTON" I CAUGHT YOU AT YOUR GRANDFATHERS FUNERAL SINGING 2014 MINECRAFT PARODYS.What kind of incoherent babble did I just read? That was the most pathetic attempt at insults I've ever witnessed. It's like a toddler attempting to speak in a foreign language that they've just learned – a jumbled mess of unrelated words and phrases that make no sense together. I can't even begin to fathom what sort of thought process, or rather, the lack thereof, led to the creation of that abomination of a sentence. Do yourself a favor and never try to roast someone again. Leave it to the professionals, okay? You are the embodiment of uninspiring excellence, a testament to the limits of human uninterestingness. You traverse the vast expanse of mediocrity, a journey of unremarkable events and forgettable moments. The very fabric of your existence is a symphony of beige excellence, a monotonous litany of dullness. You are a virtuoso of the ordinary, a maestro of the mediocre, and a tour guide of the unremarkable. In a world of extraordinary individuals, you stand as a shining example of conformity, a monument to the predictability of your existence. My, my, my. What an intriguing response with so much thought put into it. You know I have a counterargument for each of the points you made. Let's break this down, shall we?

You made fun of my skin tone. That doesn't make sense, as you've never seen me before. You mentioned chicken bones. You seem to be obsessed with chicken, as that is an odd insult to lead with.

You mention a Google chrome phone. I'm not sure how that's an insult. You also mention having no home. That may have been correct in the past, but is no longer

If I am wrong in the fact you don’t have a home you do seem to be homeless as you are homeless because nobody loves you and your mom wishes the plan B would’ve worked you should’ve been a sock full of warm cum on your moms bed