Eylül 6, 2025
Her zaman böyle hissedeceğim mi?
Son zamanlarda çok sefil oldum. Yardım edemem ama hiç böyle hissetmediğim yıllara bakıyorum. Yıllar önce benim resimlere ve videolara bak ve genç benliğimi çok kıskanıyorum. Tüm mevsimlerde çok mutluydum. Okulum olsun ya da olmasın önemli değildi. Hiçbir şey önemli değildi; Sadece mutluydum ve zaman geçecekti.
Hayatı daha çok takdir etmeliydim. Her zaman böyle olmayacağını bilmeliydim. Şimdi kendime bakıyorum ve genç benliğimin yüzümde nasıl güleceğini düşünüyorum. Üzgün ​​olmaya inanmadım. Eğer üzgünsen, mutlu ol? Görünüşe göre böyle çalışmıyor. Bazen bence bu çok mutlu olduğum için geri ödeme, karma. Ya da belki de farkında olmadığım korkunç bir şey yaptım ve şimdi sonuçları yaşıyorum.
Bunun kaç kiÅŸinin uzun zamandır hissettiÄŸi olduÄŸunu biliyorum, ama çoÄŸu zaman insanların gerçekten daha iyi olduÄŸunu görmüyorum. Gerçekten çok nadir mi? Beni en çok üzen ÅŸey, durumumu nasıl deÄŸiÅŸtireceÄŸimi bilmemek – ve yapsam bile piÅŸman olacağımdan korkuyorum. Sıkışmış hissediyorum. Utandım, pek çok insan bunu çok daha kötü ediyor ama yine de hayatı takdir edemiyorum
Etiketler:
First, I want to acknowledge how real and valid what you’re experiencing is. I’ve been there too – I was also lost and I know how frustrated, confusing, overwhelming, and sad that can be. Your pain matters, and you’re not alone in feeling this way.
I really appreciate how honest you’re being here, and I recognize myself in your younger self. Until I was 20, I was always happy too – loved my childhood, loved having no responsibilities, doing what I wanted, having stability and comfort, friends, playing video games. I fucking loved it. But I’ve come to realize that time is over, and that doesn’t mean the fun is over. It means I’ve changed, and now I have to play games in real life – but I need to make sure it’s a fun game, not some stupid game I’ll get bored of and lose interest in.
Let me address something important: You mentioned feeling like this might be karma or payback for being so happy before. That’s not how life works. Happiness isn’t finite – you didn’t “use up” your happiness quota by being joyful as a child. Your past happiness doesn’t mean you deserve current pain. Life has natural cycles, and struggling now doesn’t mean you’re being punished for feeling good before.
Also, please don’t feel embarrassed because “others have it worse.” Pain isn’t a competition. Your struggles matter regardless of others’ circumstances. Just because someone else might be facing different challenges doesn’t invalidate what you’re going through.
To me, it sounds like either you don’t know what game to play, or you’re playing a game that doesn’t interest you and you don’t care about.
Here’s something important:Â You don’t see people getting better because you’re not looking for it. I know you might disagree with me on this, but our perceptions of reality are shaped by what we’re aiming for. If we believe people are bad and angry, that’s all we’ll see. I can assure you there are lots of adults who are fulfilled, challenged, and genuinely happy. I’m not saying the transition from child to adult was easy for them – it never is. Changing your game means entering a new one where everything is confusing but also full of potential.
You’re absolutely right that you can’t just “be happy” – that’s people trying to delude themselves. Dr. Arthur Brooks is a happiness researcher who has a brilliant definition of happiness (you can check out his podcast with Jordan Peterson).
In your case, I think the best thing right now is finding meaningful work. Find something that genuinely interests you and makes you enthusiastic, then pursue it. I promise you’ll evolve as a person and start understanding what life’s about and how to realize your potential.
First step: figure out what those interests are, no matter how common or ridiculous they sound. There are people making millions from something as simple as a walking app. Then search for ways to monetize it – through a job, career, studies, online courses, or starting a business. These are all things you can figure out, believe me.
Once you start pursuing what makes you enthusiastic, you’ll find that joy back in life. Only it’s a completely different kind of enjoyment – something that brings fulfillment and gives you a vision to work toward.
I don’t want to sugarcoat this process. You’ll have ups and downs – something you probably haven’t experienced much in childhood. I know I didn’t, and I learned more from failures and downs than from the ups. But once you’re on a path of personal growth with a vision to pursue, you’ll fall back in love with life. I can promise you that.