Gooning is absurdism at its finest

It’s okay to be a little horny sometimes. That’s just being human. But “gooners”? They turned being horny into a full-time religion. These people edge for hours, worshiping AI-generated feet pics like they’re a statue of Buddha.

And the kinks? My guy—cannibalism? Helium inflation?? Are y’all even trying to stay on Earth anymore? DeviantArt is less an art site and more a CIA watchlist at this point.

Then there’s the “no limits” crowd. The ones who post, “Send me the grossest stuff you got. I don’t care if it’s legal or not. I’ll edge to it.” Bro. Do you know what illegal means? That’s not just “Oops, my bad”. That’s a one-way ticket behind bars. Illegal porn such as child porn could get you up to life in prison. LIFE. IN PRISON. Sex offenders aren’t treated very well in prison either. The other prisoners will ask what you’re in for literally just to make sure you’re not a sex offender. And anyone who makes friends with you will also be fucking screwed.

I’m a horny dude. But at least I have SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS and MORALS.

Don’t goon. Stay human.