Şubat 6, 2026
Artık insanlarla konuşamayacak kadar hayatımdan utanıyorum
Bu yüzden her sabah tavana bakarak uyanıyorum ve aklıma gelen ilk şey saf korku oluyor.
38 yaşındayım. Tipik 9’dan 5’e kadar ofis hayatım vardı. Onu sevmedim ama en azından saygıdeğerdi. Daha sonra üç yıl önce işten çıkarıldım. İlk başta bir ara vermenin iyi olacağını düşündüm. Ancak bu kopuş kaçınmaya dönüştü. Aylar tam üç yıla dönüştü. Artık özgeçmişim dev bir kara delik. Komşuların ve ailemin dedikodu yapmasını engellemek için meşgulmüş gibi davranmak zorundayım. Ama gerçek şu ki, odamda saklanıyorum, telefonumda geziniyorum ve birikimlerimin yok olmasını izliyorum.
Bu şekilde yaşamak güvenimi tamamen yok etti. Bütün eski arkadaşlarımın bağlantısını kestim çünkü şunu sormalarından korktum: "Peki şu anda nerede çalışıyorsun?"
Yalnızlık dayanılmaz hale geldiğinde ulaşmaya çalışıyorum. Birkaç gün önce dış dünyayla yeniden bağlantı kurmayı denemek için bazı sosyal uygulamalar indirdim. Ama bir şeyin farkına vardım. Hala insanlarla konuşup konuşamayacağımı görmek için SparkRizz gibi bazı sosyal uygulamaları denedim.
Gerçekte ben hâlâ 38 yaşında, kirasını zar zor ödeyebilen işsiz bir kadınım. Birisi sohbetten gerçekten keyif aldığında ve buluşmak istediğinde ya da işimi sorduğunda, kaçıp onu hayalet olarak görmek zorunda kalıyorum.
Sadece benim gibi mahvolmuş bir özgeçmişe ve kırık bir ruha sahip birinin işinin gerçekten bitip bitmediğini bilmeye ihtiyacım var. Toplum beni çoktan geride mi bıraktı?
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At 40 I turned everything around from 10 years of this.
My life is now better than I could have ever imagined.
Start making small steps towards your goals. It’ll help pull you outta this mentality.
You got this. You’ve built yourself up before. Now you have experience at doing so.
Get your toes wet and start applying to jobs. If they ask about the gap in your work tell them you were helping a sick family member, if they try and ask beyond that tell them it’s private, because it’s none of their business.
Maybe just apply for a job a day, keep it manageable. Maybe the first few days don’t even apply just do a search and save the application pages.
38 years old is never the end of life. It’s just a pause. If you dare to face your own struggle, you are much braver than those who pretend that everything is fine.☺️☺️
I am in the same boat.
Lost my job 2 years ago, In the last 2 years when i was jobless, i went through an identity theft of 100k, lost another 100K
Trying to build everything from scratch again at 38.
Masturbate more and lie to people. They don’t need to know you’re unemployed, you’re writing a novel/getting recertification/contract working online.
Being unemployed really wears on you, after a while it becomes a black hole of despair. Try to seek some professional help if possible, someone to talk to, some sort of distraction while you slug through trying to find a job.
If your profession is anything IT adjacent, you can use my business as a white lie for the period you were unemployed. No hair off my back if they actually call.
Shoot me a message if you need that or just need to talk. Need to get out of your head a bit, life does improve given time.
You’re the only one in control of your life. How you respond to external forces. How you handle inevitable failure and loss, everyone experiences those things. More than once.
Start by getting out of your room/house. Get off your phone. Find mental health support.
Have you tried applying for new jobs? What about part time? Maybe you could do some courses or study something that doesn’t take more than a year to finish.
https://youtu.be/bL3MkE2NzoY?si=CtAz0178iYlgi9Ce
What Steve talks about is what I had to learn for my life to get better.
Have you considered a temp agency?
I’m more impressed you have savings for 3 years cause I don’t even have that. I’m ashamed of my life too btw so I know how u feel….
You’re probably overwhelmed.
You HAVE to take a step in the right direction, however small.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’ll be fine.
Regarding your friends, if you reach out with an honest email / letter / text, I think you will get positive responses. Most people want to help and have empathy. Tell them what you’re telling us – you were ashamed that you lost your job but you want to reengage with the world and would appreciate their help and compassion. Even some moral support will help start you on a positive path.
Get out of your room. Go to the library and doomscroll if you want – but go do it somewhere else. Put real clothes on and go out! Do it for 5 days in a row. I promise It will help.
Look for free mental health resources in your area. Or, while at the library, read The Upward Spiral. Journal. Get all this out. You posted here so I know you can fix this. You’re at step one now.
Wishing you the best.
One of the biggest insights of life for me was finding out that our worth is not dependant on what we accomplish. You are a deserving of love and attention, just by being YOU.
I think you would do best by asking for (professional) help. Believe me – vulnerability is one of the most beautiful things and if you dare to ask someone for help, you’ll find that there’s always someone who would love to help you.
You posting here was the first step! You can be proud of yourself :). Hang in there.
You don’t need to be ashamed of where you’re at. You don’t owe anyone justification of your employment status. “I’m between jobs” and change the subject. Or come up with something like “I work in retail” if you’d like. If they’re pushy, they are the rude one. This is your life and you’re not a bad person because you have an employment gap. 38 is so young. Please stop tearing yourself down, because it paralyzes you. True self-esteem is built by setting goals and accomplishing them. Start small and show up for yourself. If you mess up, get right back on the horse without shame-spiraling. Where I live, there’s an organization (WorkBC) that helps people find employment, helps them work on their resumé, etc, for free, and they are outstandingly kind and nonjudgmental, is there any such organization in your area?
>*Has society already left me behind?*
Have you left yourself behind? 💛
That’s a lot of terrible choices you’ve made back to back.
Who is financing your lifestyle, and why ?