Temmuz 23, 2025
28F, tüm hayat çok milyoner yaşam tarzından evsizlere değişti, umuduna ihtiyacım var
Herkese selam. 6 ay önce, milyarder bir ailede biriyle 7 yıllık narsisistik bir ilişkiden sonra atıldım. İçeri girdiğimde, üniversiteden çıktığımda ve dolduğumda 20 yaşındaydım. Çok narsisistik, küfürlü bir ilişki, arabamın ayrılmadan 7 gün sonra tesadüfen çalındığı noktaya kadar. Her neyse, aileme geri döndüm ve 17 $/saat çalışıyorum. Mevcut faturalarımı ödeyecek kadar yapmıyorum. Zihinsel olarak hala çok iyileştirilmiyorum ve 7 yıllık istismar, travma ve kendine ihanetin ambalajını açıyorum. Hala çalışmamaktan, özel jetler, tatiller, tüm hayatımdan, gerçekten sevdiğim bir ev hanımı olmaktan, kendimi kendime yetecek kariyer seçeneklerini bulmama yardım etmem için evlenmemiş bir ev hanımı olmakla birlikte bir terapist bulmaya çalışıyorum. Daha önce kendini tanımladığım şeyleri yapamam. Arabam bıraktığım eşyalarımla çalındı, bu yüzden yavaş yavaş geri dönüyorum. Kendi kendine finanse edilen bir profesyonel sporcuydum ve şimdi LA2028 Olimpiyatları için eğitim hayalimden vazgeçiyorum çünkü faturalarımı bile ödeyemiyorum. Kredim yok çünkü zorlayıcı kontrollü olduğum ve benim adımda hiçbir şey yoktu. Ben dehşete kapıldım.
Bir sonraki kariyer adımının ne olduğunu nasıl anlıyor? 2 SEM’imde Psych’te geliştim. Kolej ve aşk spor tıbbı. “Doktor Sports Med veya Sports Psych” dışında bir kariyer veya ana dal için ne yapmak istediğimi hiç bilmiyordum. Şimdi okula gidecek olsaydım tam zamanlı çalışmalıyım. ASN’imi BSN’ye bir basamak taş olarak RN haline getirmeyi düşündüm. Büyüleyici bulduğum çok fazla kariyer ve iş var ve öğrenmeyi seviyorum. Hayvanları seviyorum, tüm hayatım boyunca bir binicilik oldum, bu yüzden iş deneyimim 2015-2017’de büyük bir isim koşusu markası için bir fei damat ve satış. Yazılım ve Teknoloji beni büyülüyor, müziği seviyorum (ev/EDM) ama içinde uzun vadeli bir kariyer yapmak istemiyorum, arma/fotoğrafçılığı düşündüm. Mülk yönetimi hakkında düşündüm. Ayrıca ilk adım olarak hukuk ve kredi memuru olmayı düşündüm. Seveceğim, gelişip keyif alacağım çok fazla meslek/kariyer varmış gibi hissediyorum ama yaşadığım yaşam tarzı nedeniyle toplumda çok farkında değilim. Kolej/kariyer konusunda bana yardımcı olmak ve istikrara doğru yol almak için şimdi bir iş/iş bulmaya çalışmak şu anda en büyük hedefim.
Yani, herhangi biriniz eğitmek veya bilgilendirmek için paylaşmak istediğiniz iş/kariyer varsa, sonsuza dek minnettar olurum.
Kariyerinizi seçmeniz için gezinmeye yardımcı olan herhangi bir araç var mı?
“Başlangıçta” da gitmek istediğiniz kariyer/derece olduğunu nasıl bildiniz?
İstediğiniz yerde (elbette ılımlı) yiyebileceğiniz yerde yeterince yaşamanıza izin veren ve arkadaşlarınız/ailenizle keyif aldığınız spor/aktiviteleri yapmanıza izin veren bir iş/kariyer için ne yaparsınız?
Üniversiteye nasıl gidip tam zamanlı çalışıyorsunuz? (Evet, bu konuda yardımcı olmak için öğrenci kredilerinin var olduğunu biliyorum.)
Bir geleceğin nasıl görünebileceğini görmek çok zor.
Şimdiye kadar okuduysanız,
Tüm tavsiyeler için teşekkür ederiz.
🫶🏻
Etiketler:
I encourage you to read the book “why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. You can read if for free [here](https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html)
You have been manipulated for 7 years. It’s no wonder you don’t know who you are and what you want. I think you need to go back to what you used to love and explore from there. Take classes that interest you. Maybe don’t take a full load so you don’t burn out too quick with work too. Do you very best to not take out loans, they enslave you to banks and shitty jobs you can’t afford to quit.
$17/hour is exploitative in today’s US. You need more money.
You were an athlete and interested in physiology. Do you think there’s a way to make $$ as a coach or trainer? What did you learn from living ‘that lifestyle’ that can benefit you now? Any good connections you can reach out to? Can you do things like event planning and management?
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Did you have an allowance or any savings from it?
I’m actually going through something similar-ish, divorced stay at home spouse that had a comfortable life (not billionaire status though) but experienced lots of emotional abuse, especially the last few years. I think what we are experiencing is grief, grief for the loss of the relationship, and for the life we know/had, and of course trauma from the abuse. I’m looking into get therapy for both, otherwise I don’t know how I’ll ever get over it. And I completely understand the shock to your system, I might be the only commenter here who does. You are doing really well working already though, I haven’t managed to sort that out completely yet myself. I was luckily to walk away with some assets, since we were married for a long time
Fell free to message if you need someone to talk to
Hey, I am sorry you went through all of that, I hope everything works out for you
It wasn’t your life you just plugged in by selling your youth. People who want to own their own life have to progress society by developing high value skills and working hard. Welcome to the real world
I hope things work out for you
Damn that sucks ass. Find a top level trainer for your discipline and be their working student. Do you have a horse/s you were going to compete on? If you’re a working student then your costs may be covered until 2028?
Alternative is sell the horses for $$$$$, and go to school for something (nursing, rad, etc). Then get back into riding later when you have the cash for it…..we all know they ain’t cheap 🥲
It’s hard. I don’t have this situation but I’m similar in a way that I’m also 28 and my parents give a job at our family company and let me stay with them, so all of my stuff is payed for me, I can drive their cars too, but I still feel like I have no control over my life, or if I don’t want to listen to their stuff anymore, I have to because I could not find a job in my field for years and it sucks because I can’t move forward without them.
If you were an equestrian, why not flip into a working student or trainer position where your housing and utilities are covered? At 28 and given that you were training for 2028/have FEI groom experience, you should have the resume to immediately hop on 10-12 rides and manage a barn. Not having a horse (assuming everything horse related was in boyfriend’s name) shouldn’t be an issue. Have you spoken to your trainer? The equestrian community can be there for you if you’re willing to work.
I walked away from a multimillionaire lifestyle in 2014 to manage a barn 1000+ miles from my abuser. I slept in my car the first month. It sucked but I gained a sense of agency and accomplishment, I ended up getting my horse back, I was able to work my way up nearly to the position you were in prior to your breakup (FEI groom, managed a barn in Florida for an Olympian, etc) and while I didn’t pursue a relationship while in Florida/amongst that level of wealth, it sounds as if you are already very used to how to forge connections amongst the ultra wealthy. Why not use them to find a working relationship like Jan Ebeling/the Romneys have (to use the most dramatic example) or more realistically, several of them? It’s called being a trainer and you’ve got the skill set.
My point here is you’re an equestrian, you’re a problem solver, you can do this. Just be ready to sweat and pick up shit.
(to non equestrians: this isn’t sexual/romantic in nature – although it isn’t a rarity to see that – it’s more like the way artists have had patronages through history)
I don’t imagine it is the right time for this thought yet. You really need to heal and become your own, present person.
If things are smoothing out for you by next year; You have had experiences few people have had. You can navigate comfortably in an environment that few people can. It seems there would be opportunities for you to build on, on your own or through any neutral or friendly connections you have (but unrelated to your ex). But don’t contact anyone while you are feeling thirsty… as you know, that will frame you the wrong way. Heal first, and find a part of yourself that you recognize and like.
Some sophisticated organizations like subtle and gracefully influential people who can comfortably market to wealthy clients. It’s uncommon for someone under 30 to have the real life experience to blend and listen, and observe, and at an opportune moment make a suggestion that leads to a transfer of capital in that space. (And such positions are not called ‘sales’, of course). When you are more stable and content with yourself, you may look for a way to build on that.
As one example, there are professional background (not secret, but working on a person-to-person level, visiting family homes for a few days or a couple weeks when appropriate) fund-raisers who develop relationships with various charities and separately with various donors.
Over time, as they have gotten to know many parties somewhat personally, when a hospital is seeking a donor to build a new wing or campus, an inside-acquaintance fund-raiser connects a donor to the hospital (because that funding specialist knows that donor’s family values childrens’ cancer patient care and would feel good to help shape the new program to include high quality youth cancer care and put the family name on the new facility) the fund raiser is paid a percentage of the hospital wing donation.
Perhaps you could work with someone like that, and later become an independent someone like that, if it suits you and you have the patience and grace.
Best wishes.
You could go back to school and start over
Lots to unpack and some great advice and recommendations here. While you are regaining your footing, the great position you are in right now is that you get to design what you want your future to look like.
It encompasses the following 3 words – Making a Plan. I am always looking to pay it forward from when I needed some of the same help you do now. Happy to help you with some free resources to help you get started down a new path that re-energizes you. DM if interested.
And one last thing. While nearly all of us in this community don’t know you personally, that regardless of how you see yourself right now, I want you to know that ::
You are a person of consequence! YOU MATTER! There is greatness in everyone, including you!
Make a Plan to realize and release that greatness.
Surf’s Always Up, Just Have to Know Where to Find it!
Maybe you could get into becoming a personal trainer?
No common-law partnership claim?
TLDR: This is a sad occurrence in your life, you need to heal from the narcissistic abuse, and you are in a stage of life where you get to re-envision and create the life you want for yourself.
You experienced narcissistic abuse, and you probably already know that, but it rewires the brain, and you’ll need to deprogram yourself from it.
Look up somatic experiencing, which can help with the process of releasing, and look up Michele Lee Nieves on youtube, she is a great coach when it comes to dealing with this, and also Dr. Ramani, who is excellent at explaining the narcissists behaviors.
I second the book recommendation of “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. When I asked my old housemate why he insulted me constantly, he fake-cried and said “I was only joking” which was capital level BS. It clued me in to who he really was.
There are people who are makers, and then there are people who are takers. The man you were with was a taker.
Regarding career: Tech is good, but a lot of that is being offshored, so it depends on what the specialty is, the right specialty will stay onshore. Horses are big business, since they are expensive animals that need to be cared for, being a farrier is a thing, including horse shoes. Property Management can be good. Not going to recommend anything photography/video related since that business has changed in the last 20 years. Loan officer seems interesting since you would then be putting yourself in the flow of being the go-to person for flows of money, which I’ve never done, but if my experience in inventory flow is relevant, it can be a good spot to be in.
One more thing, and this might sound really weird, age 27 is when, in astrology, the 1st Saturn occurs. This is a time of self-reflection, where the old life is taken apart, and a new life re-created with a new vision of your future self. This is a time where people start to mature, and by 33, there is a perspective in life that has changed.
You are so brave and brilliant to post here and ask for advice as you begin your new journey. Focus on healing, build a positive & healthy support network if you don’t already have one, and know that there is nothing wrong with you – and you CAN do this:) I have professionally helped people go through big transitions for over 10 years and successfully made it out of narcissistic relationships myself and moved on to build a life I absolutely love. I’d be happy to share some resources with you, feel free to DM me.
Sending TONS of support!
Boohoo. Welcome to the real world. Hope you enjoyed your vacation. Life is an abusive relationship for most, the likes of which you haven’t experienced yet. But your relationship was good practice. You should do just fine.
You haven’t earned a 7-9 figure lifestyle, you discovered one, joined one and then were treated like the staff and have now become damaged by that. Reality requires work! Earn your keep, bust your ass, focus and build your life better than this piece of shit – stop asking people for their step by step plan, find your passion and take all of this negative energy and invest in YOU!