How I accidentally became a s3x offender

I was at work one day and needed to take a piss, nothing out of the ordinary, normal day, normal piss, when all of a sudden the boy who cried wolf co-worker walks past me saying the same dumb fucking joke – “hey man, your flies undone!” And throws his head up in the air, laughing to himself out loud as he’s walking away, I say whatever and leave the building for a smoke break

However, as I stand there – puffing in the wind, I feel a slight breeze down below, I look down and my cold pen15 is just free flowing, and my balls are slowly crawling their way back up to seek bodily warmth, as I glare in slow motion realising the situation I’m in, I quickly chuck my cig to zip up my pants – when an ember of hot ash falls on my tip and I begin patting it out and screaming in pain all while my zip gets stuck on my pubes 🥲 Turns out the cameras didnt pick up on my side of the story, and all they saw was what looked like me whacking myself off while screaming like some sort of maniac infront of one of my female coworkers

the judge ruled against me because i couldn’t think of a good enough reason why i wasn’t wearing underwear that day , and my female coworker said she’s traumatised and testified that I must get off on putting cigs out on my dick *sigh*