Hi (maybe throwaway, we will see)
I really need perspectives. First I love my family, I can not remember many bad things between us, I am/was closer with my mother but I think i have a very good relationship with my father, we share even hobbies together and my brother and I also are very close.
It turned out I (19f) am not my father’s daughter (x1) (my brother (21) is very likely his son, they share a hereditary disease). I confronted my mother, the first times she dismissed it and left the house, when she came back she screamed at me to let it go the third time she broke down, said that it is possible but i can never tell him, she says he’s throwing us both out if he would know (x2). She said he would not accept me if he would know.
I planed/tried to talk to him yesterday, but I panicked (I thought i would simply mention the test, or ask for a real one to be sure, but how can i do that?). I fear my mother could be right.
Since than i can not look him in the eyes. My mother cooked big and is extra attentive, talks about family and how good our life is a lot… I can not stand her.
I wrote a letter to not tell him myself but did not give it to him?
What do I do?… I am terrified of telling him. I feel like i betrayed him. I have no Idea what I would do if he really kicks us out. My mother does not work and did not since a long time… I could, but it would change everything. I am so angry with her and now me, and so sad. I think he should know, make an informed decision, but maybe not now? After my education? This is so fucked up, I know I did nothing wrong until I did not tell him, but since than i feel shady and selfish… Even the thought to wait to tell him makes me sick, but it would maybe be better for me?
x1: My made a 23andMe in august his year, partly for fun but mostly because he fears a genetic disease that my father fights since a view years. He urged me to make one too for early treatment, I did. I got it back on the 24th… and it says we are half siblings. We do not have a real fatherhood test so far, but my mother admitted that there is a chance, but refuses to tell me more so far.
x2: I live still with my parents (and plan to do that until I finished my education), me and my brother have a floor of the house for our self. I really like it there.
x3: My father travels a lot, he is normally away for ~4 days a week.
Edit: Thanks for the replays everyone. I need to step away a bit, many of the posts let my cry again, especially the ones that say nice things or try to ensure me that he would still love me… I want to go on a long walk to think and calm down… I will come back later… sorry for not replaying until than.
Edit2: Thank you all very much. I decided to tell him. But I am still not sure how. There are suggestions to bring him and my mother together, present the test and tell her she need to explain it to him. In private msg i was asked what his job is, and someone added to my consideration that it could endanger him. Many pointed out I should think about a backup plan, and made clear that it is very likely that my mother will resent me if i tell him. This means there is a very real possibility that I am alone afterwards.
I may go hiking with my brother a view days and talk to him first. I also talked to a friend of mine and her mother that is a very close friend since childhood, I would be welcome at least a view weeks there, for a start. She thinks I should not talk to him before christmas… she thinks that is something for the new year’s day, but I can not imagine christmas like that. I also will visit another friend for the next days… I can’t stand them at the moment.