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My ex bf proposed to his new gf at my sister’s wedding. My sister didn’t warn me and now I’m too angry to let go

I don’t want to make this post very long but I’m going to be needing all the advice you got about how to not resent my sister for what she did. I want to know if I’m being a bitter woman and a sore loser. These are the things I’ve been hearing from my family (not the exact wording but the sentiments).

My(f31) ex boyfriend broke up with me after about a 1,5 years by basically ghosting me and not returning my calls or texts. This was on February/March 2020. On the week leading to him breaking up with me I was getting weird texts with sexual content and he saw one of them. I tried to explain that I didn’t know the person texting me and he seemed to believe me but apparently not because it was then he stopped talking to me. One day on my way back from work I saw him coming out of the movies with an acquaintance (f28 call her E) of mine kissing and holding hands. I call her acquaintance because even if we ran in the same circle of friends we never really were close. In fact she didn’t hide her disapproval of my relationship and thought him to be “out of my league” and she was very outspoken about that.

With restrictions and people stopping to hang out I didn’t see or hear anything of them over the following months. I was heartbroken but at the same time very disgusted by my ex’s behavior. My anger and isolation helped the healing process.

Last Christmas eve when I was at my parents house my sister (f28) who’s a better friend to E told me that E has agreed to host her wedding at her summer house (more of a mansion) for free and my sister was over the moon with happiness since she and her fiancé could never afford a place like that. My sister told me that because E was so generous she invited her and my ex to the wedding. I was livid and asked her how she could do this to me and left my parents house crying. I later regretted being mad at my sister, she wasn’t the one who hurt me and so I called to apologize. She thanked me and told me she was so happy and asked me to be her maid of honor.

The wedding was in August. Me, mom and my sister’s best friend did all the planning and worked almost all day every day the week leading to the party. It was a three days wedding with rehearsal dinner on Friday, wedding on Saturday and a brunch party on Sunday.

At the rehearsal dinner my sister made a speech thanking everyone for the hard work, she then thanked the host (E) for her generosity and told her that she had a surprise planned for her. Ex bf then literally got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. I was mortified I wanted to vomit. I didn’t say anything and didn’t join in the cheering. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t ruin my sister’s wedding so I stayed for the next day and left the morning of the third day.

I can’t but feel betrayed by her. She could at least have warned me of what she was planning to do. After her honeymoon she called and told me it wasn’t her secret and that E had planned the whole thing and she couldn’t say no because she didn’t want to be rude to the host. I told her to go fuck herself if she thought a perfect party was worth hurting her own sister. She called me bitter and jealous and hang up. We haven’t spoken since.

Now this Christmas I told mom that I wasn’t coming. She was mad and told me to grow up and stop blaming the world. I’m not the first person to be dumped and if I was so in love with him maybe I shouldn’t have cheated. I yelled at my mom and now I don’t talk to her either. I know it’s not mom or sister’s fault and I’m so afraid that I have become so resentful and bitter like they said but I am so hurt it feels like physical pain in my heart. How can I move on from this resentment.

Tl;dr I feel betrayed and let down by my sister and I can’t rid myself of the hurt and resentment I have in my heart.

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  1. So E donated the venue for the wedding and your Ex boyfriend used it to propose to E – so an engagement party at your family’s expense. Douche bag & cheapskate.

    He and E deserve each other, your sister is F’ed up by not warning you, but even more so to allow someone to use her wedding this way.

    Totally feel E could be behind the texts, or had someone send them.

  2. I can guarantee you that those strange sex texts you were getting were from him from a burner phone, to give him leverage to ghost and break up with you.

  3. He proposed at someone else’s rehearsal dinner? Jesus… you dodged a bullet. Guy sounds like a loser.

  4. Cut both your mom and sister off. You were set up on these text messages.

  5. LMAO holy shit lady, I am not laughing at your misfortune I am laughing at the AUDACITY like jesus christ this is some bad rom com bullshit.

    The level of TACKY it is to propose at a rehersal let alone wedding of another person is so fucking huge. Its so fucking tacky that I am literally giggling while I type this. This is like when you go the home of a 40 year old person and they have like a wall of used liquore bottles as some kind of art instillation.

    Hot damn is that fucking gross.

    Your sister fucking sucks, ,”Not her secret to tell” is 100% a lie, she knew you would be pissed, she knew you wouldn’t want to come to witness that so because she is a selfish HOE, she made it so you were forced to keep your cool lest you look fucking INSANE at her event.

    it wasn’t a secret it was a MASTERFULLY manipulated and pulled off move to have her cake and eat it too.

    But lets look on the bright side. You my dear sweet hurt friend, just learned something you need to take to heart. He matters more to her then you do. She is more concerned with your exes feelings then she will EVER be for yours.

    You know exactly where you stand with someone and thats a rare gift. You are at the very very very bottom of her list of worthwhile people. If you and your ex were drowning, shed save him.

    So take that information, hold it close, and use it to choose how much you want to be in her life and have her in yours.

    My last little rant is short but important.

    Family, is the lowest most pathetic bar in existence. Its that 2 people fucked. End of bar. If your bar for family isn’t at minimum tha same as your bar for close personal friends, you are living your life WRONG.

    If you wouldn’t be close friends with someone, them being family is fucking irrelevant. Your mom letting a dude dump at minimum 2 loads in her, doesn’t make the crotch goblins she poops out magically worthwhile to have in your life.

    Sorry you are dealing with this shit.

  6. This entire thing is so creepy. It’s so tacky to propose at someone else’s wedding, and she even orchestrated a fake proposal for herself to steal the limelight from your sister? Yeah Ex, good luck with that one.

    That said, your sister should have told you. It’s awful that she didn’t and put you in that position. It’s even worse that your family is being so careless and cruel about your hurt. I think distancing yourself from them is a good idea. They don’t care to be supportive of you and you don’t need anything else piled on while you heal.

  7. Wow thats your sister being an avoidant bitch and not accepting responsibility for her stupid and materialistic decision to put where her wedding takes place over her own sister. She could have at least warned you and explained that it was fucked up but she wanted the location. Then maybe you wouldn’t have been surprised and could have stepped away or something. Either way this E person sounds like a manipulative and sick person who planned to take your ex and did it. Maybe she even planned to send those messages to you with your ex to give your ex an excuse to blame you. They sound made for each other.

    Whatever the case, let these people out of your life because clearly their priorities are fucked up. Set some boundaries with your family if they cant be cut out completely. Take care of yourself.

  8. I would have *never* done that to my sister. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to have even remained friends with E, much less have her host the wedding. And then to ambush you like that? Your sister is awful, and DGAF about your feelings at all.

    And the ex…..LET ALONE the cheating, but to ghost you? Like, I’m floored.

    I hope her wedding venue was worth destroying your relationship. I mean, you may move past this, but I doubt it’ll ever really be forgotten. And to think a swanky venue was all it took for her to throw you under the bus.

    I am so freaking mad for you.

  9. E, maybe with help from your sister, probably sent those weird texts to you.

    Your sister’s behavior is brutal. You should never forgive her.

  10. So, E planned the whole thing, including your sister saying “I have a surprise for you?” The whole thing was pretend? And your sister agreed to it, and now your mom is accusing you of cheating on Ex? I don’t know what’s with your family, but that’s incredibly toxic. It really sounds like E is a nasty person who planned this to be hurtful to you, and your family cares a lot about money and status. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding, though. I would start by trying to have a heart to heart with my mom. Explain that you didn’t cheat, for starters.

    Did you ever figure out who was sending you the texts? Have you considered E? I think it would take a lot more pushing than just a weird text for him to break up with you and suddenly be with her. Just food for thought.

    As far as this dude- you’d been broken up with this guy for over a year by the time this happened- you’ve been broken up longer than you were together at this point. It’s definitely time to move on, look for someone else, and try to be happy for him (alternately, you can be happy that he ended ip with such a b**** and is going to have a miserable life). You’re worth more than pining over some jerk who wouldn’t trust you, and was obviously ready to move on immediately.

  11. That’s a low blow from your sister. She should have given you a subtle heads up at least. But really… I would never let my sisters ex propose at my wedding?? That’s just so inconsiderate of your sister!! And he can definitely figure out something better for his proposal than his ex’s sister’s wedding smh

  12. The cheating thing needs to be cleard up before anything is said about how they treated you.

  13. Your sister did you dirty. There is no other way to say it. You have every right to be pissed.