I’ve been with my boyfriend for 13 years, living together, no kids. Ever since our first months together, he liked to take pictures of me, and he especially liked nude photography. It made me feel sexy, and it aroused him immensely. During the years we did that more and more rarely. I am almost 40 y/o now and during the pandemic I have gained about 20 pounds over my usual weight (and I’ve never been skinny). Even though people still tell me that I look great, I don’t feel sexy at all. He still tries to “arrange” some “photoshootings”, but at the same time he hasn’t told me that I look beautiful or sexy in years (also the reason why I don’t feel good about myself anymore). So, you can imagine my desire to have nude photos taken.
In addition to that, he has taken up photography as a hobby, he has bought a camera, etc. Honestly, he isn’t that good. I’m a graphic designer and I could tell he doesn’t have talent with art, but I liked that he had a hobby. At first I thought that he was going to shoot nature, animals, etc., as most people do. Then he went to private lessons to a photographer and after he signed up, I understood that the teacher is a boudoir photographer. Even though the course encompassed other topics, too, they did have boudoir photography lessons with some nude models. As you can expect, the models were young, skinny and pretty, as the teacher is famous for working only with perfect models, he doesn’t even want to do photos if a model has gained as little as 3 pounds.
I took it with stoically, but now my bf is constantly looking at nude photos on the internet, Instagram, etc. And, yes, we’re not talking about emotional, real-women, art photos, but only perfect young models. He says it’s for an inspiration and that he’s thinking about becoming a photographer. I know it’s not happening, because he doesn’t have the ambition to start a whole new business career, and because he doesn’t have the talent to profit from it. But even the idea still hurts me. I feel like 1) he just wants to look at beautiful nude girls, and 2) I’m not beautiful enough for him anymore.
I feel really disappointed with my life at that moment…