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3 ve kadim dostu 1 olan sj'yi rakamla giriniz. ( 31 )

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Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

I (33m) think my gf (32f) is in the starting stages of an emotional affair

My gf recently made a friend in the gym she attends. He is 32m and is engaged. And he is a gamer too which is an important detail. One week after meeting him suddenly my gf bought a gaming console and this is a woman who has never played a video game in her life, but now she is gaming 2-3 hours everyday. Ok, it might be a coincidence but she has also been spending a lot of time on her phone and almost always turns her phone away from me. And she is a lot more secretive with her phone too, she even carries it with her to the washroom (another new behavior from her). I asked her jokingly that it seems she has found a new bf and I am feeling ignored but she got offended and said she is allowed to have male friends and this a someone who has a guy best friend with whom she is very close and I never had any objection to that because he is a very good guy. But this situation is giving me a bad gut feeling.

So what are my options here guys? Do I confront her directly? Do I just let it go? Do I talk to her bff to see if he has any ideas (he has become a very good friend of mine too)? Help guys.

**Edit/Update- Thank you to everyone who replied. I have decided that I will have a frank talk with her. Maybe there is an innocent reason, maybe its already gone past the point of no return. But I will have to talk in order to find out which is the case!**

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48 Yorumları

  1. Behavior change is always worth looking into. Based on what you said it sounds like she is interested in this guy. The fact that she is hiding things from you is telling. Set a boundry around this immediately.

  2. Trust your gut bro. She’s probably already taking his barbell if you know what I mean

  3. Trust your gut. New behaviors are indicative of different factors in her life. There is no coincidence this guy is having a huge effect on her. It doesn’t matter that the guy is engaged, they are definitely chatting. It is early and possibly she thinks it’s innocent but the fact that she has never gamed and bought a console just to game with him, it’s very very strange. Possibly try to see her phone but this really can be a huge hit to your trust. Once you go that route she will think you don’t trust her but the fact that she is actively “hiding” her phone and taking it in the bathroom when she didn’t do that prior to meeting this new “friend” would make any partner suspicious. Tread lightly as this can lead to the end of a relationship, certainly to the end of trust. Good luck but always trust your gut.

  4. The non PC answer is that we all know she’s cheating …and emotional cheating is ruthless .
    Confront , drop her and move on

  5. My dude this is almost exactly how my ex wife started her affair… Minus the gym part I’m not sure she’s ever seen one of those.

  6. Find out who his fiance is and tell her. She deserves to know and that will certainly blow up whatever they’re doing to smithereens.

  7. Dude you are 33 and a Man not a boy, she is 32 and a woman not a girl, just be Upfront and comfront her you dudes dont have any time to waste or play teenagers Games.

  8. Trust your gut.

    The words, “he’s just a friend” is cover for he is more than a friend.

    All your descriptions of her behavior suggest an affair and if it’s not already it soon will be physical.

    You can grab her phone/game console for a look see, find out who this guy’s fiancee to inform her your suspicion, and/or show up at the gym to observe…

    OR

    Plan your exit strategy, implement the healing heart – the 180 and grey rock to start disengaging from her and move on.

    Any woman who has a high interest level (attraction) to you, would not be entertaining an other guy.

  9. There are no coincidences, that is a lot of smoke – time to talk to her about this. Going from never gaming to playing 3 hrs/day IS a huge change. Might even want to ask her guy friend if he noticed before you talk to her. Note – that emotional affairs (and lots of physical ones) begin as friendships and develop from there with no purposeful intent to have an affair – it just goes there. At her age she should be able to see this coming and back away – unless she doesn’t want to.

  10. Talk to her about it and her reaction will either comfort you or your suspicions will be confirmed

    Don’t leave any of what you wrote out of the conversation

  11. Trust your gut. Her behavior is definitely suspicious. And she’s allowed to have guy friends, sure. As long as it’s clear no boundaries are being crossed. Just like you’re allowed to leave her if she doesn’t respect your boundaries.

  12. You need to talk to her and her reaction will likely affect your relationship moving forward. I had to explain what emotional affairs were to my current boyfriend. We got on the topic when talking about relationships and he realized he had an ex who exhibited all the behaviors I described and that he did have a bad gut feeling but didn’t talk to her about it bc he felt like he would come off like a jealous boyfriend.

    I will tell you like I told him. If she feels the need to hide conversations from friends from you and you have a bad gut feeling, that is enough to confront her on. No one’s friendship should ever make their partner uncomfortable.

  13. “Hey this is tough for me to say to you, because I never want you to feel like I think I have a right to question your friendships or whatever, but I have a really crappy feeling about this new friendship you seem to have with the guy you met at the gym. Would you mind just real quick, right now, opening your phone and showing me what your communication with him looks like so I can get this out of my head?”

    How does she respond to that? Calm, or panic?

    Hint: Getting very angry and flying off the handle, yelling and getting defensive = panic.

    Why would she panic?

    Good luck, this sucks ?

  14. They are bangin each other, gym is probably a ruse at this stage

  15. you say “emotional” affair. By that you mean affair affair maybe?

  16. Talk to her, tell her how you feel. I’ve been in that situation unfortunately and it came out that he’d been sending pics of his d to other women. Trust was gone.

  17. I wouldn’t ask to see the phone. I would ask her to sit it down in the living room and talk in the kitchen. Sit down without the phone and express everything. Point out the changes. Point out the behavior. Don’t attack just express the things you noticed. Then tell her how it makes you feel. Don’t give her assumptions because she can jump on one and use it as a defense. Just give her exactly what you’ve noticed and how it makes you feel. Let her either set up the scenario and you’ll see if the boundary has been crossed without ever having to snoop or accuse. She will tell on herself. Now once the discussion has been had you can then make your decision to see if you feel she’s being honest and such.

  18. She’s cheating. You need to give her an ultimatum. But be prepared to break it off because she clearly doesn’t respect you.

  19. I would definitely talk to her about it, I myself know that if I was doing this, I would 99% have some sort of interest in him , hence buying the gaming console so she can relate to him more

  20. Gut feelings are usually correct. My intuition is spot on and I have been able to tell bad people around me

  21. She is cheating.
    As soon as you said ‘turns the phone away’ . Confront her don’t give her time to lie about it
    Don’t give ultimatums give her consequences. We are done if you don’t cut contact with said person tell her don’t even TRY and have the person under a girl name in her contacts tell her you know all about the other ways of contacting people and you’re having none of it she has exact 0 mins to make her decision . But do this as you are packing HER stuff into trash bags. . Oh yes the console would be gone as well..that’s the first thing I’d place in the bag.
    She isngoung to lie xal you names and gas light you tell her HELL NO you’re not falling for this bullshit.Dont yell don’t scream just put your foot down .Then I would tell her she has been shady and you no longer trust her do she got to go NOW!!!

  22. I think you should listen to your gut, but be open to the fact that there is still a chance you might’ve got it wrong.

    But there’s definitely enough weird stuff going on to warrant you putting your foot down a bit and asking to see her phone. She should understand she’s making you uncomfortable and therefore if nothings actually going on she should be happy to show you and clear your suspicions.

  23. Setup a double date with guy and his GF and you two. Does she jump at it as a good idea or refuses?

  24. Sounds like she has a crush. Even if their interactions are platonic so far it could quickly escalate.

    My most recent now ex gf did this where she had a “friend” in the wings that she swore up and down was only platonic. Same weird behavior with the phone. Same defensiveness when I asked her about it.

    Lo and behold she causes a big scene and breaks up and goes straight into relationship with said friend.

    I would trust gut feeling but also not become a complete asshole. If she has a crush she needs to put space between her and new friend. It’s the right thing to do.

  25. Yea well I think you know what’s happened here I mean she literally spent what 500+ games just to spend more time with this guy and hides stuff the question here is is it just one way is this an attractive guy who guy gf is obsessed with or are they doing this togther

  26. Well looks like you got a lot of good advice so far. Either gather more evidence, confront and gauge reaction, snoop on phone, etc.
    P.S so many stories I hear on this subreddit when asked about other so called “friend” they always mention… oh he /she is married/engaged no need to worry.
    You def need to worry about other ppl on relationships too, not everyone has a strong moral compass ya know? ?
    Take it easy out there big guy.
    I wish you peace and love

  27. How would she feel if you had a girl best friend with whom you are very close? Objectively, it should be possible for either of you or both of you to have best friends who are of the opposite gender. However, the secretive behaviour is suspicious.

    It should be possible for you to hang out with her when she is gaming; like without being pre-arranged just walk in and chat or be with her while she is playing right? If she kicks you out of the room or continues with a very forced banter in the game then your suspicion has more weight.

    I’ve always thought that if you can’t honestly tell your partner about another person you hang out with/eat dinner with/go for drinks with/etc then you are cheating. Your gf seems defensive.

  28. your right my guy pull her up sketch her out youll know whats good if you can get her to be honest and in reality shes NOT done anything mental yet so if she at least admited what probs coukd happen even sort it or split up on good terms. i think if shes just all of a sudden games 2-3 hours a day you already got problems.. guy or not

  29. Stop being afraid of the confrontation. YOU weren’t the one whose behavior changed drastically. YOU aren’t the one hiding your phone’s screen and taking it everywhere. Tell her about her behavioral changes and if you want to see her phone then ask for it while she’s using it. If she says no then you act accordingly. Hoping never did shit, its just inaction and you feeling worse. Better to just DO it than keep living with the fear of it.

  30. Offer to game with her instead and see how she reacts. If she seems weird about it I’d be concerned honestly.

  31. Bro. My old lady hates video games. If all of a sudden she just took up playing video games because some dude she met at the gym does, i know that there’s a problem. Not to mention the other changes in behavior.

    Talk to her.

  32. Every time someone starts to act weird about their phone (taking it to the restroom, switching off the notifications, changing password, facing away from others) the person is hiding something. And that something is usually another person.

    So ask questions, or even ask her to show her phone. If she has nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a big deal.

  33. I’ve never regretted ending a relationship with a cheater or someone that didn’t respect my boundaries. It led me to the greatest marriage. I wouldn’t hesitate to end this relationship and let that guy have her. Keep looking for your future wife.

  34. TBH with a gut feeling as strong as this and this much evidence, I would snoop.

  35. Lol are you serious?
    Dude you a grown ass dude, take control of this situation.
    Shut all that down and open your mouth.
    Stop tiptoing around, she won’t respect that.
    Communicate your discomfort and shut it down or there’s the door.
    Be a man

  36. haha wow, spending hundreds of dollars, hiding the phone, taking it with her to the washroom (huge cheating red flag btw)

    you have a gutfeeling. Confront her ASAP and explain what you’ve noticed and demand to go through her phone 🙂

    She will either refuse (admitting guilt pretty much)

    Or break down.

    ​

    She may not have done anything physical “yet”

    But it’s definitely in the flirting stage, maybe even in the sexting stage if she takes it with her to the bathroom.

  37. Alright so she still deciding if your enough or she wants her cake and to eat it too my bad maybe she looking for more but so long as there are boundaries and I mean like physical and emotional with whoever is involved.
    (My homeboy was with a chick and she still cut for her ex so one day I told her if you plan on continuing with my friend then she needs to cut him off it’s not her responsibility to make sure he okay he a grown like her and then she said it’s hard which meant she still felt for him so optional attachment so I said how you expect to move forward when your not fully invested in my friend)
    Also there’s respecting ones wishes all this goes both ways yeah okay cool but well if she has friends what she looking for- if she more comfortable making guy friends than female friends then she unknowingly is in a relationship with them, it’s not crazy to start new things like gaming but seems like she got a new friend she don’t wanna share and only out of necessity she does, so she hiding him keeping their dynamic secret unless you seen them interact, what about the fiancee anyway to set up a double date maybe when you meet him suggest it outright put him on the spot get his contact info directly if he don’t want to then he maybe still looking too idk depends I guess on the person if jesus was around your girl wouldn’t have to worry about that you know what he about what you about what she about what’s that guy about and also if the fiancee was around well females know females since they engaged well she gonna check what’s hers all woman do that does she still go to the gym maybe after she leaves surprise her with something cool like tickets or set up a manicure /petticure and just say you wanted to see her reaction what’s something you could do that be worthy of take a pic with her but,
    all that crazy shit to side talk to her about y’all’s future listen to she says and determine what she means by understanding the reason behind her decisions you know the rules she lives by then you’ll know if she right for you also woman love talking indirectly and if you can engage indirectly without being misunderstood you’ll see her kinda gravitate towards you cause most people don’t know how to explain how they feel outright and directly so she might be like you get but does she get you are you clear enough so she recognizes without directly saying it-two way street-

  38. You have a gut feeling. That’s enough to ask the question. Mention what you’ve noticed.

    Gauge her reaction. Surely you know your partner well enough to tell if she’s sus.
    Go from there.

  39. You do not need proof, just tell her to knock it off or leave. This is your boundary, and if this guy is messing with your relationship he is absolutely not your friend.

    She is not acting like a girlfriend. Be prepared for her to insult you and call you a lot of things. Cheaters always do that. If she doesn’t and takes initiative to make you comfortable then you can consider staying. But I guarantee you that she will lie and gaslight you.

    There are no real options unless she makes the effort, and your comment on her having a new bf brought out the wrong reaction. It means she would rather damage what she has with you than to correct her own actions.

    Personally, I would end it now, she has already infused her emotional DNA with the cheaters gene.

  40. I would tell your gf to hand over the phone, people say it’s none of someones business, but if this is making you comftable I can’t see why she would not show you their chat, she shouldn’t have anything to hide anyway, I don’t care what people say, if I have a feeling my gf is cheating on me I will ask, if they say no or bring up it’s their private thing, I don’t hesitate to break up, if she doesn’t wanna comfort me in my thinking somehing is going on I don’t see a future with that person sorry.

  41. From your description, you sound spot on and that she is beginning an emotional affair.

    *But* because this post is from your perspective, I wonder what exactly is real and what is imagined or possibly blown out of proportion.

    The best advice for this situation is talk to her about her habit changes and how you feel you are being shut out aka direct confrontation. Ask her to spend less time on the phone and (if you play games) for her to play with you (perhaps a two player game) or some other couple building activity. If she responds positively, perhaps she is just excited about her new friend and lost perspective. If she is negative or dismissive, then I think you 100% have confirmation of your suspicion and will need to take steps to either further preserve your relationship or initiate a breakup (depending on your preference).

    Most importantly, don’t let her sandbag your concerns with outrage and offense. We are emotional people, you feel sad/neglected/cheated. Maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong, it really doesn’t matter because *you feel* like something is wrong. Feelings aren’t always logical. If she cares about you she won’t dismiss you or ignore you, she will address it. Lastly, don’t let her think you are jokingly asking this, be clear with what you feel and your perspective on her current behavior, reiterate it has nothing to do with her friend, and it is all about the change.

    Edit: just to add, your bff shouldn’t be your first point of detective work. By going to them first you (in my opinion) show a weakness of character by avoiding the issue and lack of morals by bringing a third party into conflict between two people they have a relationship with, which could damage them.

  42. Your gf/ wife is cheating and you want to let it go !!!!

  43. You should try asking your friend but it seems like she’s obviously hiding something from you if she’s secretive about all that. Always trust your gut. Talk with her and be honest about how you feel about it