As friends me and my partner used to surprise each other a lot. He’d go to some lengths to make me feel special and get things he knew I’d love. He was also pretty much up for anything.
When he asked me after 10 years I said yes (a year ago).
But I feel like our relationship was better as friends. He doesn’t really surprise me anymore, but maybe it’s because we see eachother so often? So maybe I’m used to having these surprises because it was every other time I saw him.
The big thing is, I literally can’t do anything for him. He doesn’t want gifts, doesn’t want to be taken out. We go out and do things but he often seems bored.
When I told him I felt useless he said he’s very independent and he’ll never “need” me but that isn’t to say he doesn’t “want” me.
I’m a bit of a people pleaser so I find it quite hard.
He’s often said though, that really this is coming from a selfish place on my end.
I really want to make this work. How do I work through this strong need to want to do more for him?