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Found porn on my wife’s phone.

So I don’t really know where else do go with this so here goes nothing Reddit strangers.

My (33) wife (34) and I have had relationship issues for a while. We’re still together and love each other but there’s a lot of issues with our relationship. This has caused a major lack of sex. We haven’t had sex in close to a year. I’ve tried to initiate at times but she’s always tired or some other excuse. Lately I stopped even trying.

So I went to shower today and noticed my wife left her phone in the bathroom. For some reason I decided to pick it up and look at her browsing history. I searched for porn on a whim and was very surprised.

This month she visited porn sites like 5 different times and it had some really hardcore stuff on it. There was a pattern of anal squirting videos. Some with DP. Some with 2 girls and a guy.

I don’t know why but I always assumed she just didn’t have a sex drive after we had our kids. But clearly there’s something there. I would love to be able to act out her fantasies with her.

Not sure how to bring this up to her or if I should even tell her. It was definitely a violation of trust to go through it. But now that I did I want to say something to her.

Im not mad or jealous or anything. Actually very turned on by this. Just want to know a way to turn this around to help us get back into a healthy sex life. We’ve always been super vanilla with sex and clearly her history suggests she has a wilder side.

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea. Curious what you guys or girls think is the right this to do.

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19 Yorumları

  1. She wants to have sex, she has sexual needs like any other person, just not with you and after reading your replies I see exactly why. You’re a man child that goes to work, comes home, expects the world to revolve around you and you emotionally neglect your wife by not giving her the time she deserves while being a homemaker for you every single day.
    You admitted you don’t cater to her
    You admitted you leave your dirty clothes and garbage around the house
    You admitted all you do when you come home is sit on your phone
    And you admitted you KNOW these things but won’t fix them because you simply “just forget to” and then you wonder why your relationship is tanking. Take a deep look inside yourself and how your wife deserves to be treated because the way you act right now shows much deeper issues than just sex. I wouldn’t wanna have sex with you either if I was being ignored, under appreciated, and emotionally neglected with slim to no effort put in on my husbands part.

  2. From your responses, you sound selfish. You have an incredible wife who takes care of you despite her needs and wants being ignored. No wonder you guys don’t have sex. No woman in her right mind would want to have sex with someone who wants his wife to be his mother and not his wife. You know, fun fact, women like to be cared for other than just financially. She has a day-to-day life routine that she never seems to get a break from. Sounds like she is at the point that she is getting zero of what she needs from you, and is relying on herself. Do not approach her asking about what you think are her fantasies just because it turns you on. Show her some appreciation for once. You think only of yourself and it’s truly awful.

  3. From your replies I’m not surprised your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you. You don’t even respect her enough to be a better partner and dad, she tells you its an issue and you know it’s an issue but haven’t fixed it. Show that you actually care about her more than a fuck maid and she’ll probably want to have sex with you. Check your budget, try to reduce hours if you can and be more present for your family. Look into getting help with the kids so you and your wife can have dates and reconnect. Women tend to need a connection and feel loved to want to have sex, you being absent physically and mentally and making her do everything is not foreplay it’s making you repulsive to her.

  4. I am a 29 yr old female and I am not into porn. However, when I am having my mid afternoon play time by myself when hubby is at work, I watch the most random stuff. I’m not even into it to be honest. I’ll let it play for a second and end up tossing the phone. Don’t let it make you feel any type of way. Also, just talk to her about it. It doesn’t have to be a weird thing

  5. She’s tired of being your mommy. She wont ever want to fuck you because she cares for you like a mom you silly goose.

  6. Soo why she should stay with you ? financial support can be achievedanyway with you or with divorce and aliments , Stop working when you areat home Drop that phone and do things at home or take kid/s away timeto time LET her have a Time for her , Take her out on a date, Anyrelationship is Two way road literally, and watching PORN is not acrime.

  7. I would bring up the porn, talk about how it made you feel and maybe talk about buying butt plugs and lube ? See if she want to get started of on the married version of DP. I don’t know why everyone is so hung up on phone snooping. My husband can snoop around mine all day long. I’ve nothing to hide.

  8. From your replies here, it sounds like you aren’t helping out as much as she can. Porn is quick and easy if you have the urge. It’s fleeting. Maybe she needs a quick fix but otherwise doesn’t feel connected to you or has the time and energy to have sex with you. Intimacy is mental and emotional, not just physical.

    I think you’re missing the issue. You looked at her phone. Why? That would unsettle me if I was the wife. You saw stuff she may be into or getting off to. IMO porn I watch isn’t always what I’m personally into offline. You guys have an obvious disconnect. You guys need to talk about the lack of sex but if you’re on the phone when you’re not a work and she’s working a part time job and handling all or most household tasks, then I can totally understand why sex isn’t happening. She’s busy and you’re kind of absent. If you can’t talk, get a therapist to mediate the issues but this issue isn’t about the anal stuff on her phone and you should reframe your thinking.

    And then both commit to fixing the issues before even bringing up new kinks IMO.

  9. Watching porn/having fantasies and being turned on by it is not the same as wanting to act it out.

    I would talk to your wife (what a concept) about your sex life but keep out any and all info you have about the porn she watches.

  10. While this could be a great way to work on your relationship overall I just want to caution you that it is VERY common to enjoy porn that has not much to do, if anything, with what you’d enjoy in real life. So I’d focus more on the fact that this means there is some sex drive yet and maybe you both need to figure out how to have more intimate time together when she’s in the mood versus the acts in the porn itself.

  11. You should talk about the things she was watching – not in a confrontational way – just saying that you’re open to what ideas she might have. You have to create an environment where she feels safe to talk about something that might be pretty taboo. If you come off as being too judgemental or critical then she probably won’t share her thoughts with you.

    Also keep in mind that while she might like to watch something, think about it or talk aboout it, actually doing it might be off the table. So don’t pressure her, just be supportive an non-critical. Let us know how it works for you.

  12. Why would you assume she lost her sex drive after kids? Haven’t you ever talked about it?

  13. Can you give specifics on the kinds of relationship issues you two have been having? Be specific, like within the last 3 years what have you two been going through

  14. Have an honest conversation about your/her sexual needs in a safe environment. Talking over dinner is a nice example where people feel intimate and open to talking about themselves.

    Admittedly, I think you should confess that you have violated her right to privacy. The relationship has got to a place where unhealthy behaviour has manifested and it is fair to admit failings as a way to grow from them.

    Talk with her, express your feelings, and listen to hers.

  15. If you haven’t had sex for close to a year, that’s a major issue, and something that should concern both of you. It could be a sign that she’s emotionally checking out of the marriage.

    What Id focus on now is letting her know you feel like something is off in the marriage and you want to fix it. I’d also strongly recommend counseling so you two can get back on the right track.

    Once you can repair that rift, i think the sex will follow.

  16. She’s your wife. Talk to her! Tell her you find her attractive, tell her you want to make love to her, ask her if there’s anything she wants to try. But most importantly talk!

  17. Commenting to stay in this thread bc I have a similar problem. Idk what to do either, my gf has endo and is basically only watching porn. Idk how to bring her back around to me