Taft was arguably one of the best presidents and fucking funny as hell. Everybody knows the stories about him getting his fat ass stuck in the bathtub, but nobody really knows that he was the OG Chris Farley.
He and his wife would host dinners at the White House for foreign diplomats and Taft would do shit like cartwheel up to them, particularly if the negotiations were going to be tense, because he knew a 350+lb man doing a goddamn perfect cartwheel always guaranteed a laugh.
Dude would cartwheel up, and depending who it was, would ask if they wanted a beer and a smoke (Taft had great taste in cigars and beer, the motherfucker could entertain and get. The. Party. STARTED) before they got down to business and then he’d talk them into doing shots and before you know it, these high-profile diplomats were fucking shitfaced and hashing out negotiations with Taft and his team. It worked surprisingly well (much to the dismay of Tafts rivals who found his behavior oafish and unbecoming of a president – and let’s be honest, it was, but the dude got shit done because he understood people and knew how to be straight up with em).
Rumor has it he drank the Irish rep under the table and challenged the English rep to a pie eating contest.
Despite his size, because of his charisma, ladies could not get ENOUGH of him. At times during public appearances, Taft would be on uneven ground and have to be aided by a cane because of his own fat ass, And ladies would be reaching out for him because (which is where the phrase “beat them off with a stick” comes from) because – surprise – rumor had it, that Taft was wrasslin a MASSIVE HOG inside those size 48 pants. It’s often said that hired help could hear his wife screaming in pleasure at night because my man was chowin down on some PUSSY like it was a melting ice cream cone. My man was a fuckin FIEND for that ass. Dude flipped that poor woman around every which way and put her ass to work like straight up, “fuck, dude, leave that poor woman alone!” But he can’t hear you because he’s deep in that Jumanji-bush territory (yknow back then, it was the harrier the better)
My man Taft was cool as fuck and had the guts and charisma to back it up. Taft was the fuckin man and nobody can convince me otherwise.
If there is a god and I die and go to Heaven, I wanna party with that dude. Just two ghostly dudes ass-naked in a porcelain bath tub, chugging beer and talking about slayin pussy, hell yeah