So, my Grandma (88) and I (31) have a very close relationship because we are living in the same house while I pay off her student loans. She is a lovely woman and she raised me after my parents were divorced and the courts awarded her sole custody while they fought in Afghanistan. Every Sunday we would go to the buffet after church and we would talk about stuff. Lately though, she doesn’t talk as much and is constantly stuffing her face with roast beef, pork, chicken, turkey, veal, mashed potatoes, yams, beans, green beans, lentils, both kinds of stuffing, jello and rolls and doesn’t say anything, even when I ask her questions. Then about 4 hours later, she will start walking around near my bathroom and when I’m doing something else (I build models and am absorbed in my work) she will go into my bathroom and unleash holy hell. I’m talking Biblical shit storms, real Book of Job type stuff. I mean literally peeling the paint off the walls, post-modern history-is-dead style nihilistic, fogging the mirror a permanent shade of green, destroying the vent fan-level butt barf. I’m not sure if she is making giant wads of paper to shield her hands from the feces (a failed strategy) or if the faeces itself is just too much for the system (an ample city sewer connection was promised in the real estate brochure we perused before purchasing the home but, foolishly, we did not look to make sure), but when I go for my evening constitutional, I am greeted with a full to overflowing bowl of steaming grandma excreta. Of course, I have to add my own more reserved poo on top because I can’t wait (As a trained Navy SEAL, I excrete reflexively at certain times of the day (as an aside this was begun during the Vietnam War in order to frighten the enemy and has morphed into tradition)). Then I spend several hours snaking the drain etc to restore functionality (as a registered Republican I am familiar with plumbing apparatus). The question: Is this enough to finally make me stop having anal sex with my Grandmother?
TL:DR: I am fucking my Grandmother