Don’t Ever Look At Me

Okay, just got back from the coffee shop, just around the corner, and something kinda crazy just happened. I walked in there, and I’ve never been to this place before, and I go up and I’m- I ask the lady do you have- this menu’s very big and confusing I don’t see just regular coffee, just a normal size, a normal amount of coffee and just a normal coffee, do you have that? And so I actually just said, yknow, do you have coffee? She says “Yes, it’s a dollar fifty”. I pull out my card, I don’t have cash on me, and yknow she gives me- she gives me this look. She gives me a real- and I’m- I’m sayin’ this now- she gives me a real done-up look. A look that she’s practiced, you see? This is the sorta look that I’m getting is something that ha- that has intention. And it hits me at a- at a thousand miles per hour, right in the face. It hits me really hard because it’s early in the morning and I haven’t had my coffee yet and as soon as it hits me I can feel that I’m giving a reactionary look, a look just appears, and I’m just starting to spread this look around the café I just start to, yknow turn left and right and I’ve just got this look on my face like WHAT is this look? and I sort of look at the other people’s faces and I’m sort of asking for them to make a look as well. and I cant help but think when I- yknow I turn my head back to the- to the cashier and she’s still giving me this look and I -thcpch- cant help but think How Crazy Is That? That she could give me this look and I havent- I’ve barely even said anything. And I’m just s-standing there in front of the register, thinking about this and… it really rattled me. (cue music) why do looks matter? why does it worry us when people look at us? why does it worry us even more when we look at ourselves? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I know that people like to look, they do, they can’t help it. People like you and me, like to see, see how things are, see how they work, but when you look too hard you look like a jerk. (why cant we just let all the earth live in joy together and we shall be as one) all I’m saying is don’t look at me cause I don’t like the way you look (let all the earth grow to know one another and live beneath the sun) and yknow what I’d thank you to never look at me again. I said that to them, I was furious, and I could feel this rage bubbling up inside of me, it was lifting my arms up to either side and extending my fists and then finally two middle fingers. And I twirled playfully around the café, and I windmilled my double birds so everyone could see. And I ran to the door and I KICKED it open. And I ran out into the street. And I punched the street. And I said everything I could think of, but I had nothing to say, so I zipped up and I walked home, and then I recorded this.