I’m trying to say I’m better and more mature than anyone, by any means. I’ve been using and abusing drugs since I was 14. I’ve done over 80 different substances (a good thing) and even got the point where I was abusing hardcore drugs.
Shooting up anything from crack dissolved in vinegar to caffeine pills crushed in pb & jelly sandwiches , boofing research chemicals, spending 100k in one night on intravenous cocaine and heroin, k holed over 200 times, 37 fentanyl overdoses. You get the idea, I’ve done it all, ranging from highly beneficial psychedelic experiences to hardcore intravenous addiction.
I’ve been to rehab 40 times and i keep running away from the nurses every time, they told me that I’ll never be able to use drugs without going right back to severe addiction but i am not a pussboy, I’ve been able to use psychedelics every hour, mdma/mda every half hour or so and do ketamine a couple times trough the day and have even drank and done Xanax a few times and was totally fine. I didn’t even get fucked up, just had like 7 drinks over the course of 4 hours and took a whole bar to come down from the Molly.
That addictive part of me just seems to be searching for the shadiest shit out there. I have no real desire to use the occasional psychedelic and dissociative, and even then I feel like I’ve gotta talk myself into it.
I just feel like I’ve outgrown the whole drugs thing. I’m not trying to say I’m God but I can go and do 50 miles in a hour without consequences, but that’s the part of my brain that’s craving as much substances as possible. I give drugs to starving dogs and ate them, but now i know how to take the foodie enjoyers way with a bottle of red wine.
I don’t think I’m explaining it right, but it almost feels like the severe drug abuse and craving was just an experimentation phase, or self medicating for mental enhancement that are no longer issues. I just feel like I’ve realized how fabulous and prolific drugs are, but have learned to discern between which ones are a pain in the ass and which ones are medicine, and use the latter to my benefit.
Getting research chemicals simply doesn’t interest me anymore. The obsession and craving is vivid. Anyone else experience this?