You jest, but Professor Oak for sure was causing critical hits to Ash’s mom’s pussy regularly. I don’t believe he sent Ash off on his quest for that exact reason, but rather because he lowkey loathes Gary, his own grandson who’s name he can’t even remember. H**e just wants you to be a thorn in his side, teach him some humility, which of course canon Ash fails to do. We will touch back on this in a moment.**
**Before anything Professor Oak is a GOOD MAN. Ash has a habbit of just ditching a Pokemon the moment it becomes useful for him, because he has the logistical processes of a box of stale crackers. There are two that stand out above all the rest, even over Charizard and that Ninjafrog with the scarf tongue.**
Ash’s two most clutch, and canonical badass Pokemon were Krabby, which Professor Oak took care of as a crab and a Kingler. Along with all of those bullshit Tauros Ash dumped on Oak, and he just tolerates it. And then of course, [The Best Pokemon Ash Ever Had, which was his Butterfree. But Butterfree went off to go get laid and literally die, so that couldn’t be helped.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8tJFQdvk8s) **Although Professor Oak would for sure support Butterfree’s decision, and he should. Most based Pokemon in the series. Don’t @ me.**
**I digress, Professor Oak absolutely clapped Ash’s mom’s big fat juicy Pallet Town raised cheeks. When Ash gets to his first Pokemon center after getting his shit absolutely fucked by a pack of sparrows, which is genuinely pathetic as they are basically just normal birds.** Like if a Gengar existed in real life people would be freaking the fuck out and investing in incents and shit to ward them off. If Sparrow came to the real world? Um… ok, its an agro-ass bird. That’s dinner, like what the fuck. Canadian geese are scarier.
After Ash just got done trudging through the mud and made it to that Pokemon center he got on his shit adjusted and phoned his mom. Let her know where he was, what was going on, did a lil’ facetime. His mom rushes this phone call and is just like “oh sweetie, thats so great. you are just like your father, who you will surely meet when you turn 11. Ok bye.” Hmmm, why in such a rush? **Then if but only a few seconds later, who calls? Professor Oak. Already knowing every detail Ash told his mom. Like, in two seconds, telepathy isn’t that fast.**
So this means, Ash’s mom’s pussy was for sure stuffed with Professor Oak’s poliwags. If ya know what I mean (he came in her vagina). Ash being the absolute dumb piece of shit he is doesn’t pick up on this and carries on getting harassed by Misty over her bike and eventually go to Rock Town to add a sexual predator that wears a vest to his RPG party.
Nearly every major tournament, or life event where Ash phones his mom, Professor Oak is either there OR calls right after. **They travel together. And let’s be real, Professor Oak isn’t a silver fox, he’s a silver ninetails (shiny). Who wouldn’t jump those bones? He isn’t just seismic slamming Ash’s moms giant fat honkers for lust. They care for each other. How else could you explain a genuis that holds several PhDs like Professor Oak tolerating the mentally incoherent nightmare that is Ash’s thought process?**
That’s the patience of a man fucking a kid’s mom. That’s the resolve of a man that actually cares about the kid as he double stuffs his mom. Professor Oak isn’t just a booty call. **And Ash’s father clearly doesn’t give a shit, he doesn’t even want to be canonically relevant.**
My headcanon is his father was actually a horrible alcoholic, the town clown of palet town, and left out of apathy. Also I decided his name is Jeremy, seems like a Jeremy thing to do. Ash’s mom knew Ash wanted to be a trainer, so she made up some lie she saw from HunterxHunter, and said his father went to be an amazing Pokemon trainer.
**THAT’S A GOOD MOM. Ash’s father is off getting drunk, and having sex with lopunnys and jynx hookers, going nowhere. Doesn’t even want Ash. So his mother creates an illusion for Ash to chase after. SO WHAT IF SHE IS FUCKING PROFESSOR OAK???** SHe deserves some good dick. And professor Oak clearly favors Ash over Gary, which brings us to the final and most important point.
**Despite this, Gary Oak is a 10 year old that drives a red sports car filled with cheerleaders that just are absolutely devoted to him. HE DID THIS IN LIKE A DAY SETTING OFF ON HIS JOURNEY**. I mean, holy shit. Thats so cool. Gary clowns on Ash every time, and for most of the series is ahead of him, but when Ash finally does beat him and Professor Oak cheers, you know what Ash doesn’t have? A car. A gaggle of beautiful women. And Gary Oak at least knows who his dad is. So does Gary always win? Well…
But you know who Gary truly will never know? His grandfather, as he has already forgotten him, and if you just say **”yeah his name is POOPBALLS,”** then that is what he will call Gary until his dying days. Professor Oak didn’t forget. He just loves Ash more than he does Gary, because Ash has heart. And that is why Professor Oak will always be there for him. And especially will be there when he isn’t there, to fuck his mother. With passion.
**And hey, that’s alright. It’s two consenting, loving adults. It’s the most eventful thing to ever happen in that suburban shithole called pallet town since Ho-Oh flew over the town an entire generation before it was canon. And it still is.**
**Oak wasn’t your father Ash, but he was your daddy. He still is.**