I just want to take a moment to humbly ask everyone to please respect my privacy during this extremely delicate, totally unspecified, and profoundly mysterious time. I’m not looking for attention. Not at all. Zero. Zilch. In fact, you probably wouldn’t even know anything was going on unless I told you. Which I’m doing now. But not for attention.
Please, I’m begging you: do not ask me what’s going on. Do not comment. Don’t like. Don’t react. Don’t even look at this post. Look away. Scroll. Pretend you didn’t see anything. This is a deeply personal matter I’m airing out in a public forum for absolutely no reason other than the fact that it’s none of your business.
And to those of you speculating about why I posted this in the first place? Wow. Disrespectful. How dare you violate the sanctity of my deeply private, ultra-secret, mind-your-own-business situation that I have chosen to vaguely hint at with dramatic flair in the most public way possible. Thoughts and prayers only. NO QUESTIONS.
Again, I can’t stress this enough: this is a major, colossal, super-galactic, double-top-secret private issue. The kind of private that makes the CIA look like a group chat. I honestly can’t believe you’re still reading this. You’ve already overstepped. You’re the problem. Reflect on that.