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Great. I fucking came and…

Hey! I noticed you used an emoji.

I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you?

If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.

If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that.

But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.

So I 19M (Male) was walking to my local wal-mart yesterday morning with myself (19M), obviously, to masturbate in the toilet. I saw an interesting rock on the floor in the car park and I bent over to pick it up. I thought to myself “It would be a nice collection of things that go up my ass.” I took the rock and kept walking, till I saw a man (?M) in a truck with a ball sack in the back. He got out of the truck wearing sun goggles at 5 AM, there was no sun. I walked to him and threw a rock at his sun goggles, in order to do welfare for the community and make sure he could see properly in the early morning daylight. Oh boy. He (?M) got mad at me. He started to run towards me, and I ran too. We entered wal-mart as he chased me. He came pretty close to me and got hold of my boxers for a few seconds. I grabbed a pineapple and threw it at his face as we ran through the fruit section. He got knocked down by the ultimate pineapple force. I was happy. Until I realized that he had my boxers in his hand, they were torn apart. I looked down in dismay to the ultimate misery that had dawned upon me through him. I was standing there ass-naked! I quickly grabbed a giant-ass eggplant and covered my pubes. I ran out of the Wal-mart instantly. No one chased me after seeing the surprise they had observed. I reached home and I sat on the couch in my basement. The worst thing happened. As I reached for my nut sack for my daily session of ball touching, I was shocked. There were no balls. Only white liquid viciously flowing out of the sack. I had lost my balls. Probably dropped them while running. I called wal-mart and they told me that they had a stock of tennis and pool balls, I think I have to use some of them till my balls are found.