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Did my girlfriend just try to kill me? What do I do?

**UPDATE: No I don’t believe she’s actually trying to kill me. After reading a lot of the comments My best guess is she doubted the severity of my allergy and put the walnuts in the brownies to prove her point in a really stupid way. I’m going to sit down and talk with her and if this is the case, I’m going to break up with her. I called her and said I wanted to talk with her later today.**

**will post an update after saying how it goes**

So I’m posting this here because I feel like I’m going crazy. Me [20] and my girlfriend [21] have been together for almost a year. We have had a great relationship until this event recently. We’re both in college, and we had a Friendsgiving event to go to with our group. It was a pot-luck sort of thing, everyone brings your own dish, I brought mac and cheese and my GF also made some brownies. I’m only mentioning this because it’s relevant, but I am deathly allergic to walnuts. My girlfriend knows this, if she gets me food she makes sure there’s none in whatever she brings and I usually ask again just in case as a reminder because you would be surprised what has what in it.

Later at the party, I was going to go over to have one, and I asked her to make sure there were no walnuts and she said there weren’t. I went ahead and ate one. Then I began to feel a bit dizzy and nauseous. I went over to my GF and mentioned I didn’t feel so well, asking again about walnuts or cashews in the brownie and she said no. She said I was fine and to just enjoy the party. Then I realized I was starting to break out into hives and my throat was itching and realized I was having a reaction. At this point, I felt my tongue start to swell up and I could feel my airway getting smaller which is extremely scary as it means I was going into anaphylactic shock. I asked her for my epi-pen (Usually keeps it in her purse when we go places since I don’t have a bag) but she said it was in the car and ran out to get it. I used it on myself and had to go to the hospital.

It was really embarrassing because I basically killed the party for everyone, but everyone was just glad I turned out ok. This is where there’s a problem. I didn’t eat anything at that party except the apple cider and that brownie. I asked my GF about it again and she broke down crying saying she did put them in there as it was “in the recipe” but forgot when I asked. Apparently she remembered after I had to go to the hospital and felt really embarrassed it took so long to remember and didn’t want to tell me.

I feel like she’s lying to me. She never buys anything or cooks with walnuts (She’s said she hates them). But then she puts them in brownies and then “forgets” she did after asking her twice and saying I’m going to eat them? She has known I’m deathly allergic ever since we started dating and I just don’t get how she “forgot” twice, especially if she literally made them 2 hours before? The problem is if she did it on purpose that literally makes no sense either. I don’t see why she would ever do something like that but I also don’t see how it could be an accident.

I’m just very confused and concerned. In all honesty, I really like her but I’m tempted to leave after that because the whole ordeal was very scary and I can’t help but blame it on her but I’m also scared I’m overeating and maybe it really was an accident. I’m just not sure.

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  1. Genuinely curious how the walnuts were not immediately visible in the brownie. Unless she pureed them or something? In which case, that’s very odd. I’ve never had a walnut brownie where I questioned if there were walnuts or not.

  2. You know what!? This is really strange to hear.
    I love and adore my bf.And after vintessing his near death alergic reaction,i was in a panic and felt heart broken becouse he still doesn’t know from what it started and when it will end. I felt helpless.
    His lips were dark purple,his nose/eyes were svolen,salive,mucus flowing. Pain in the chest area.Upset stomach. All body is in a shock. I think he could have died. One time he went to ER. And im the one who is actually more worried about this than anyone else.
    So your gf attitude seem too strange for me.
    If you love someone you do everything to keep them away from danger not serve it on a plate.

  3. Personally as someone who has an extremely rare condition and can die if I eat something I’m not supposed to I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s going to magically forget about my serious condition, just food for thought. Then if she did knowingly put those in there that’s really fucked up.

  4. So:

    – she tried to kill you but failed: get out.

    – she tried to prove a point: get out.

    – she’s so forgetful your life is in danger: get out.

  5. honestly if you care about someone, you wouldn’t “forget” or test the waters or anything like that. she should have known better, especially if you’ve been together for a year.

    one of my friends is celiac and we don’t see each other often, and im constantly asking and checking in with her if she can eat certain things when she comes over. I’d rather err on the side of caution than take a chance

  6. This is breakup worthy. She didn’t just “forget” she put walnuts in the brownies, then tell you more thank nice there weren’t any. She was literally testing your allergy, that’s how people die.

    She’s a POS.

  7. OP, she almost killed you. Twice is not an accident. She is either unforgivably reckless or doesn’t believe in food allergies. Regardless, this is a deal breaker. If you hadn’t had you epi-pen, your parents would be planning your funeral right now because she would’ve killed you. Do not let this slide.

  8. You don’t forget something like that. Especially after you asked her multiple times.

  9. I HAVE to know how this ends because it is crazy to me. She definitely did it on purpose, he asked TWICE and

    >She said I was fine and to just enjoy the party.

    >She never buys anything or cooks with walnuts (She’s said she hates them).

    She put the health and safety and LIFE of her partner at risk. OP thinking she did it to prove a point in some way seems most likely, but it is absolutely unacceptable. All trust would be gone for me. Hope OP is ok

  10. She made a grocery shopping list
    Went to the store. Took the time to look for walnuts, paid for the walnuts, took the walnuts out of the grocery bag, opened the bag, measured the walnuts into the batter and somehow she forgot she added walnuts. There’s no way you forget this kind of information when your significant other is constantly reminding you that they are allergic to walnuts.

  11. Your girlfriend lied to you. She could have molded you.

    I have serious allergies, but none as serious as yours, and your story raises a number of alarms for me. First, she bought brownies that had walnuts in the recipe. Second, she bought walnuts. This, she put the walnuts in the brownies. Fourth, she lied to you directly when you asked about it. Fifth, she watched you eat them. If she is functional enough to go to the store, but brownie mix, make brownies, and have that conversation, she is functional enough to recall whether or not she put walnuts in them. She is absolutely lying to you about forgetting.

    There are two possibilities: either she was trying to kill you or she was testing you. Unfortunately, the fact that your epi-pen was in the car rather than her purse suggests that she may not have just been testing you.

  12. I’d be done with her after that tbh… I have celiac and my family doesn’t always take it seriously. My stepmother used to sneak gluten into my food. The anxiety I feel to this day when someone else cooks my food…. Don’t let yourself stay in a situation where you will always be anxious; it’s so damaging.

  13. I didn’t have Time to read the comments so I’m sorry if this is already above. I am a baker and we know how annoying it is to chop walnuts for a recipe. It’s a whole process even if you get the pieces already pre-cut you still have to use a knife and cut them down even smaller to fit into a brownie recipe. There is absolutely no way she “forgot.” I don’t know what this means for your relationship and I’m so sorry that you were sick because this was a very dangerous situation. Happy that you were diligent in your response or else you could have died. I would heavily consider dumping this girl not only because she put this in the recipe but when you were clearly in a state of distress you had to go to the car and get your EpiPen? This is truly horrific.

  14. Reading your update, her doubting the severity of your allergy is still a massive red flag

  15. this just makes me think of the coconut oil story. even if it was an accident people thinking they know better than someone about what can make them ill or die are not people to be around. When people tell me “hey i’m allergic to X can you make sure there’s none” i never question it. Cause i’m not an AH

  16. She’s lying through her teeth. Run for the hills before she actually kills you trying and failing to prove a point

  17. I’m also allergic to walnuts and your gf is full of shit. There are like 5 ingredients in brownies and she didn’t remember if she added them? Fuck no! I would leave. Were they finely chopped up? I feel like I can always see them in brownies

  18. That would be a deal breaker for me. You do not forget there are walnuts in something you made 2 hours prior and your boyfriend has a severe allergy to walnuts. You don’t forget that. I would be headed to the door and not looking back

  19. Yeah, there’s no way she “forgot”, especially if you specifically asked. I dated someone who was allergic to peanuts and I made sure there were never any peanuts or peanut butter even in my house. I never even bought them for fear of cross contamination, much less bought them, baked with them and then FED THEM TO HIM after telling him they weren’t in the food. JFC. I can’t imagine she could be that big of a moron. Like others have said, it sounds like she was playing games to prove her preconceived notions right at the risk of your life.

  20. As someone who is deathly allergic to all peanuts and tree nuts, and someone who has experienced anaphylactic shock, let me just say I am so sorry you had to go through that whole ordeal. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

    You need to cut this girl out of your life, or *you won’t have one very soon*. Regardless of if she lied to you bc she didn’t believe you have a real allergy (it’s a deep rooted stereotype; that people who say they have food allergies are just “picky” and that we’re attention seekers/want to be treated “special”), or if she genuinely forgot, which I cannot believe is the case unless she has something seriously wrong with her psychologically and/or neurologically, she endangered your life repeatedly throughout this night. Are you really okay with being with someone who is this negligent and careless? Will you ever feel safe eating food around/with her? Is that a risk that you’re willing to take?

    It’s foot down time. Decide if the consequences of her actions are okay with you or not.

  21. I’m curious, does it matter if your GF kills you through negligence or through active intent?

    I mean obviously if she put the walnuts in intentionally and then lied to “test” your allergy that’s a very good reason to end things ASAP.
    But if she genuinely did it accidentally and legitimately forgot when you asked her several times… I mean I don’t think I’d want to keep someone around in my life who just sometimes accidentally poisons me… Your mileage my vary though.

  22. I mean she either intentionally tried to kill you or recklessly nearly killed you. Neither of which makes for great girlfriend material.

  23. My husband is allergic to bleach (and it’s not even life threatening) yet I haven’t had it anywhere in this house for 13 years. She didn’t forget that she BOUGHT walnuts to put in the brownies. Really does sound like she used the party to test you cause she figured you would’ve ate more than just the brownie and cider. It’s absolutely unforgivable that she would gamble on your life

  24. Dude she knew exactly what she was doing and straight up lied to your face multiple times. And then left your epi pen in the car. I always have mine close by just in case. I personally would never be able to trust her again. How could you? She may decide to poison you again after a huge fight or something.

  25. Maybe she bought them and tried to pass them off as “homemade” and didn’t know the ingredients.

    It’s usually pieces of nuts in brownies, so you should have been able to see them. If they were ground up, then I’d be suspicious.

  26. There is no way she accidentally added walnuts to those brownies. She had to buy them, bring them home, crush them up and add them to the batter. It’s not like you had walnuts hanging around the house. She would’ve had to completely forget about your allergy throughout the entire process of making those brownies especially if she made them from scratch. It’s not like she opened a box and they were already in the mix. This was intentional.

  27. Honestly it sounds like a murder mystery gone wrong. How long have you been with her? I’d back away, slowly, from this relationship. Her excuses don’t make any sense.

  28. Was she the one to go to the car to get the epi pen? Did she drive you to the hospital because you said when “you” got to the hospital not “we” did she remember. Confusing here but the fact YOU were the only who seemed concerned at first seems like a huge inconsideration on her part.

    Listen idk if this is a deal breaker right now, if she is showing concern and huge remorse than I say she learned her lesson. Tell her she also put in huge danger by not bringing the epi pen with her. Now I know this is also YOUR responsibility but if she wanna act like the caretaker here by having the epi pen in her bag she needs to be cautious too. Start bring the epi pen with you everywhere. But if you’re gonna be this paranoid I’d say leave. Can’t be with someone you can’t trust your life around

  29. Best case is that she is extremely negligent and it will be a long road for you to trust her handling your food again. Worst case is she wanted to see what happened if you ate nuts. Either way I would personally leave, no one is worth gambling your life.

  30. I don’t even know what to say for advice in this, she could have killed you

  31. This sounds like she was looking for drama and got it using your illness, similar to Munchausen by Proxie. Run.

  32. People forget this stuff sometimes in a way one nearly cannot believe. I have had a person with a known, dramatic hazel-nut allery order a meal with hazel-nut sauce themselves, eating it and only remembering their allergy when they began feeling symptoms. Within 10 minutes he was nearly unconscious with low blood pressure, but he was rescued successfully.

    I have also had people take medication that they know they are allergic to, feel an allergic reaction, but somehow it doesn’t register in their head and they take the next tablet.

    I have had situations myself happen with even my parents putting stuff in meals they know I’m allergic to (though not deadly) and just totally forgetting. It has even happened that I asked about a specific ingredient and got a “no” and then noticed it is in there and only then my mother remembered. I’m pretty sure my parents are not out to kill me – it’s just that sometimes the mind can be a strange thing. I don’t understand the way the brain works to produce this kind of brain farts, but I know from my own experience that it can happen without malice. People who don’t have the allergy, who have never experienced the allergy symptoms themselves in their own body, seem to just be not as alert as somebody who has experienced how shitty he feels when he eats it. I habitually even ask my mother before every meal that I don’t know, if she has put x or y in it, and surprisingly often she must confess she forgot that I can’t eat that.

    Putting walnuts in it and then forgetting about it does sound really strange. It does sound like this cannot be, and I also think it is very improbable. However, I would not rule it out 100%.

    There are also people who really can forget stuff. They maybe know it in one context and then don’t remember it in another context. I think it can be some sort of medical condition. The most striking sign of this is, that some people just don’t remember full conversations they had or things that happened, and then in another context they suddenly remember them again.

    This is really strange. Unfortunately we cannot fully know the reason. However, I would be highly susoicious as well, if I were in your position. I don’t think I could overcome the fear that my girlfriend may damage me, by accident or on purpose, after something like this happened.

    It really does sound a bit like she just wanted to “try” what might happen if you eat walnuts, because you keep talking about it.

  33. She bi-polar. There’s a good chance that it’s more then that.

    Question. Now I’m deadly allergic to peanuts. So I know how much it sucks alway asking if there’s nuts in things. Didn’t you taste them. Like the texture. The crunchy pieces. And when you noticed that the brownies had chucks in it wouldn’t that give it away…

    Cause if she like blended them into a power and put it into the batter then 100 she tried to murder you. And the police should be contacted.

  34. Does she ever do weird stuff and end up the center of attention? Get odd injuries, lose something vital, make y’all late, see doctors for stuff that seems overblown. The only scenario I could see is this being a neurotic attention grab. Like others say, some people legit believe allergies are somatic. Others use them for attention. I know a lady that keeps “accidenally” exposing herself to peanuts when her husband spends too much time watching sports or working. It’s usually at parties or around groups. It’s nuts… no pun.

  35. “If she gets me food she makes sure there’s none in whatever she brings me”

    “She told me I was fine and to just enjoy the party”

    I’m not trying to encourage jumping to conclusions, but these two quotes are literally counts against her being just simply forgetful. Real sus

  36. Sounds like one of those people that thinks people with allergies are exaggerating & that intentionally exposes them to prove it.

  37. Has she ever seen you have an allergic reaction before?

    If not, it might be the case that she didn’t really believe you were allergic – or that it wasn’t so bad – and wanted to test it out.

    Some people just are not able to conceptualise that allergies can kill before they see it first hand.

    I agree with you, I think she is lying and absolutely did know that she had put walnuts in it. She didn’t forget.

    But I do not think she did it to try to kill you. She likely did it because she believed you were not truly deathly allergic to walnuts.

    And now, she realises what a massive idiot she was, and that she almost killed you. So she claims she “forgot”, because no other answer would be acceptable, and only barely at that.

    It is up to you to decide whether this is break-up worthy or not, and how to handle it.

    I would suggest giving her an opportunity to come clean, at least, and take it from there.

  38. I bet she was thinking it was not real and wanted to test the waters. And surprise surprise she was wrong and gambled with your life.

    I would leave her. What person would leave an epi-pen if that was the key to saving someone.

    Also take your life in your own hand never let your pen go.

  39. Sounds like one of those peachy grandparents who don’t believe their grandchild is really allergic, so test it and then act all *surprised Pikachu face*

  40. Hey first off don’t feel embarrassed about it! It wasn’t in your control and everyone definitely couldn’t have been bothered by it we’re glad you’re safe.

    Tbh I forget sometimes my family or friends are allergic to things and then sometimes am hyper aware they are. It definitely happens but if you were out right asking her I feel like how could you forget especially if you went to the store brought walnuts and had to cut them up or open them and put them in the brownie. Part of me wonders if she didn’t make it. Like was it premade or her mum made it or smth.
    I don’t think she was planning on killing you but I understand this must’ve been scary